Sex-Worker Social Networking

Working in the sex-industry I hear time and again people expressing a desire for some sort of fellowship with other sex-workers for both professional insight and camaraderie. This kind of work can be isolating, with fear of exposure and prejudice keeping many from sharing major parts of their life from even their closest friends and family. Many, like myself and others at the Lusty Lady, create second social networking profiles on websites like facebook and twitter to connect with the outside world and other sex-workers, however the hypersexualization understandably overshadows the persons deeper persona and many are ever mindful of posting too true information, timid of giving patrons too much.


So what about our own social networking site?


While there are a plethora of sex-worker advocacy specialty groups (COYOTE, St. James Infirmary, BAYSWAN etc), they are often disjointed and there is absolutely nothing in terms of mutual social support. The site would allow members (who would be screened for authenticity) to create profiles revealing as little or as much true information about themselves as they would like without fear of discrimination, persecution, unwanted sexual advancements, exposure etc, form groups based around background, interests, and experiences, promote events (social, activist, kink etc), start discussions on public forums, and have private chats with each other.

I believe that having a social networking site like this would build unity in the local sex-worker community across the various profession, age, sexual identity, gender, and race spectrums and will be a valid and useful tool in forming and boosting social and personal identity, increasing sex-worker companionship and support, and holding space for sex-worker activist groups and resources.

Recently speaking with one of the leaders of SWOP (Sex Worker Outreach Project) Bay Area chapter I found that once upon a time there once was a social networking site catering to SWOP members on a national level. While I believe their attempts at a national unity are ambitious and awe inspiring I feel like the only way to successfully build such an intricate forum is to go another route, basing the membership first on location, as opposed to whether or not the person is affiliated with that specific group (whose work or ideals an individual may not claim), gender, or type of sex-work (like another national site does), prompting people to form tangible and lasting connections in a more grassroots way.

Within the nest couple of weeks I will be meeting up with the Bay Area SWOP membership again soon and will start the process of applying for grants.

Anyone with any interest, fears, advice, or questions please message me! All of our voices are important. 

Questions

These are the things that keep me up at night, that keep my head spinning, my eye twitching, and knees shaking. Sometimes I feel so sure of myself, of my independence, of my direction, of my sensibility, while other times I feel nothing more than a puddle of emotions stirred into an unrecognizable concoction I have to call 'self.'

Who the hell am I? Where do I get off being a goody goody know-it-all? Can I really make a difference? Is what I call a difference actually doing anything in the world? Am I going to be like this forever? Do I WANT to be like this forever? What am I sexually? Queer, lesbian, or some uncategorized creature that changes its mind? Why am I attracted to the people I'm attracted to? Why do I get so hung up over never having to "come out" about my sexuality to my family? Why is laying out everything about myself at Thanksgiving or some other stereotypical "coming out" family get together so appealing? Will I want or would it be OK to bring multiple partners to family gatherings? Is it possible to love more than one person equally? Do age differences really matter ever? Do I want to be married? What are Boyfriend and I going to do with the ring he bought me when we were 19? How old will I be when I decide I want to "settle down"? Will I ever want to? Will I ever want biological children of my own? Am I going to end up being sterile because of my IUD? How does one force others to conceptualize things as I do? Am I too simplistic? How the hell am I  a sex-worker and sex party attendee and STILL such a prude? Why am I so sensitive to crude jokes? Why can I not make a decent mixed cd? How do I keep from losing all of my possessions in a house fire? (I'm petrified of house fires) Can I have a tortoise and a cat? How do I build a meaningful and intentional community where a half-assed one already exists? I'm not an artist, can I ever be? How do I tell my grandma I'm not ready for law school? Will I lose every future opportunity to do so if I do? Why does kissing you give me so many butterflies? When can I go on a REAL vacation (and how can I afford it)? I am a 'processing' monster, why am I refusing to process certain things? How can I make sure my needs and desires aren't lost given my passivity in friendships and intimate relationships?

Porn Review!

Gosh, I am such a slacker sometimes! I've been meaning to share the link for Ali Oh's review of the Crash Pad scene Siouxsie and I did early last month. To be quite honest Ms Oh's comments were exactly what we were hoping for: an appreciation of the appearance of two queer femmes getting down and dirty in queer porn (and I might add in the Bay Area queer scene in general, actually), which is quite masculine-centric. (More thoughts on that at another time)

Anyways, please read Ali Oh's blog Made of Words and let me know what you think!

"Love Story"

Despite believing whole-heartely that polyamory is in fact the ideal relationship model for myself and for most people I know, I still can't believe how much I get sucked into loving cheesy "happily-ever-after" books and movies and, more embarrassingly, even finding myself having visceral reactions to the lyrics, sobbing while listening to The Cure's "Love Song," Taylor Swift's "Love Story," or Kate Nash's "The Nicest Thing." Though I swear the opportunity for the latter only occurs once a month.

I can appreciate and relate to love themes in mainstream media, the existence of deep emotional all-encompassing bonds with other human beings, the intoxication of pursuit and being pursued, reeling over first kisses and first "I love you's," and the desire to intimately share my life over space and time, but not so much the repeated "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in baby carriage" stereotype that's crammed down my throat. I believe love can happen more than once, at different times with different people in any range of intensity or intention. Marriage and children are options, not mandatory cultural ritual. I wish, almost more than anything, that these ideas were co-opted more in our Western society, but alas, they are not.

My inclination to listen to Rihanna's "Only Girl in the World" on repeat goes against practically everything I stand for in relationships, but I eat it up. I can relate to the lyrics of wanting to be the most important person in the world for someone else, yearning to be recognized as inspiring the discovery of untapped pools of  feelings and characteristic's that my partner hasn't yet reached, but her lyrics aren't followed with "And its ok if she is the only girl in the world tomorrow."

SF Under 40 Poly Cafe Social

When my partner and I first opened our relationship we knew the only way we could do so comfortably would be to surround ourselves with accepting sex-positive kinky polyamorous folk. Starting to indulge in local polyamory events and munches we quickly discovered that we were usually the youngest of the bunch (by a couple decades) and, although we can communicate freely and with others outside our generation, it could certainly be isolating and intimidating for such newbs. On the verge of giving up (really), we stumbled upon Pepper Mint and Jen's SF Under 40 Poly Cafe Social, a small ever changing group whose purpose is none other than to give young poly (or poly curious) people a comfortable space to  socialize with each other.

*sigh* How perfect.

A year later I am still attending the monthly cafe social, gaining professional and personal contacts, forming friendships, and allowing myself to be immersed, if even for a short time once a month, in an environment unquestioning of my inter-relationship intentions. Having started this group a few years ago and moving on to larger and more time consuming events, Pepper asked me if I would be interested in eventually taking over the group, to which I responded a prompt "Of Course!"

At first I was unsure about posting any information about the group through my Sandy Bottoms persona, afraid that the over-sexualized figure would obscure my real self and intentions, however having more connections through Sandy and no major issues with persona confusion in the past I think those fears can be put in the past.

To all you non-monogomous young Bay Areans looking for a laid back and safe space to socialize with others just like you consider this an open invitation to San Francisco's only Under 40 Poly Cafe munch occurring every 3rd Monday from 7 to 10 pm at the one a only Wicked Grounds!

Next one:

What: SF Under 40 Poly Cafe Social

Who: You! Poly or non-monogomous (curious, new, experienced) people under age 40. 40-and-over partners and lovers of people under 40 are also welcome, though we ask that you attend the same night as your partner.

When: Monday February 21, 2011 at 7pm (Every 3rd Monday) Feel free to stay the entire time or stop by briefly.

Where: Wicked Grounds Coffeehouse
             289 8th St., San Francisco, CA 94103

No dress code or cost though we ask that everyone attending purchase something to support our friends and supporters at Wicked Grounds.

Thoughts/Wants/Wishes/Goals/Desires/Musings/Hopes for the next year

-write a book
-network more for myself and community
-love unconditionally
-be loved unconditionally
-do yoga once a week
-be a good Madam
-process before I act
-receive a love letter (perhaps write one too)
-light more candles
-go on more road trips
-be a muse
-find the muse within myself
-pimp out my tortoise's habitat
-learn to sew a dress (a decent one!)
-be more patient
-expect to be treated with respect and intention
-purchase and use a typewriter (a fancy pink one would be nice...)
-be more thoughtful and spontaneous
-come out to more family members
-organize my closet
-adopt a fuzzy animal (conditional upon organizing the closet so says Boyfriend)
-eat more organic produce
-be completely naked on stage more often

Remembering to Breathe

One month ago I was hired by the the Lusty Lady to be the new Lead Madam and have been busy in training ever since. Despite working at a peepshow this position is not unlike any other "manager" position, though perhaps even a bit more important to our cooperative business model than that of the general hierarchical administrative heads of others. Although I am hired to do a job separate from the dancers I am still part of the whole and my tasks not only effect everyone around me but myself as an individual dancer as well.

Aside from gaining a fairytale new title (yes, madams and mistresses are always included in my fairy tales) I now have even more responsibility at my beloved place of business. With that responsibility, which I already know will be weighty and rough, comes the opportunity to make my own lasting impact on the place that I consider to have been my gateway into another world; a world that I had only dreamed of being about to peek into a year and a half ago. A world of community, safety, acknowledgment, and aspirations.

Blah, blah, blah followed by an idealistic statement or two....

Although I am fully enthralled at the prospect of having a positive lasting impact at the Lusty Lady and know, for whatever reason, that I have many of the characteristics that build a strong administrator I am scared. Please read, I am not scared of the tasks, of not being liked, or of the unimagined potential burdens, but of losing myself in the job itself, foregoing my "me time" to catch up on extra work or making up for lost time with loved ones.

So I'm starting yoga. Yup, hippy-dippy yuppie bendy breathing practices that only I get to go to once a week for an hour and a half. No friends, no work phone, no shoes even, just movement and reflection on my body for nobody else's pleasure but my own. While yoga is a physical action that I project as imbibing my new "me time" the mantras are reminders I must give myself over and over everyday.

"Remember to breathe."

If I forget to breathe in this moment I can't help myself, I can't work, I can't love or communicate with others, I can't build foundations for any sort of momentous future....