Law School Updates!

This post is just going to be quick and messy, but totally and utterly necessary for me to function.

I GOT INTO LAW SCHOOL! 

Last week I received the acceptance letter from Golden Gate University Law not only announcing my acceptance as a full-time student for this coming Fall semester, but they also want to give me a $35,000 scholarship for the year, which can be renewed the subsequent two years if I keep my grades up. They want to give me money to go to their school! It won't quite be a full ride (tuition is *wait for it* $42,000/year), but I won't be up to my ears in debt by the time I get out, which is more than I ever dreamed when I started making my law school plans.

I feel so fortunate. Lucky, even. I knew going in being open about sex work and my activist intentions in my application would be a risk, possibly, if not probably, something that could teeter admissions officers biases against me on a number of levels. I am taking my acceptance to mean that not only am I, a sex worker, being taken legitimately and seriously, but that they also see room for improvement in our legal system regarding sex worker rights. 

Maybe I am reading too much into my acceptance, naively stapling major intention onto the pages of the letters sent by GGU, but damnit, I feel the wind in my sails and I am so excited for what's to come this coming August!

Coming Out: Sex Work

When asked the seemingly innocuous question "So, what do you do?" with my mouth open in the dentist chair or sopping wet in front of my hair stylist I tend to respond boldly, yet vaguely with "I'm a sex worker." This all-encompassing word is plastered all over my blog, in which I say time and time again that I am proud and rooted in what I do, while at the same time hiding it, or at least part of it.

Y'all know that for almost 3 years I have been a peepshow dancer, a sometimes porn performer and fetish model and a now-and-again stripper and cam model. What I've been most hesitant to disclose is that I am also (insert your alternative term of choice: escort, call girl, ho) a prostitute.

Before I go into more details about why and how I decided to become a professional sex-er, what my partners think/feel about it and how we interact around my job, or my unique intersectional experiences (I promise I will go into them in other posts), I want to make some blanket statements about myself, my work and what it means to be out.

-I am a sex worker by choice. No one and nothing coerced or forced me into doing anything ever. My job is my own because I want it to be and it affords me the time to work on academics, activism and personal projects and allows me to sustain a lifestyle of my liking.

-I am not ashamed of my actions and projections because I am in full control of what I do and who I meet. The only shame I can ever feel is that which others betroth upon me. If you feel shame of what I do I am more than happy and willing to help you to get passed your feelings. If there is no end to your feelings of shame then we have a problem.

-Being out about my work is also a choice I am consciously making and I hold no prejudice against sex-workers who cannot or choose not to be. I hold our sex/female bashing society in judgement for pushing people (all people) in the closet and know that activism isn't something all sex workers are into.

-"Sandy Bottoms" is a sex work name I use, but not for ho-ing. Anyone messaging me about those kinds of services through that name will not get a positive response. Treat it like my pen name. Or, better yet, my real name. (If you spotted "birth name" me in a restaurant you wouldn't ask "Sandy" for a lapdance, would you?)

-All my old public agreements are true: I will never out another sex-worker or customer and I will never sensationalize or share stories for shock value. I can only honestly attest for my experiences.

-Lastly and most importantly, I am normal. I am still the same friend, ex-lover, acquaintance, classmate, coworker, daughter, granddaughter I was before you knew. (Inspired by Robyn Few's video statements which can be seen here.)

Coming Out. Again.

To return to the original purpose of this blog I needed to take a hiatus. At first just a month, then two, this break was meant to get me back on the track of writing for me, for my own self-reflection. The last 6 months or so I found I needed to censure everything I wrote in one way or another to keep myself from giving away parts of my identity I hadn't and didn't know how to come out about. Part of my hesitation to come out while my new personal and professional developments occurred was to protect the thoughts and feelings of others, and in short, to protect myself from having to deal with them. Alas, my attempts at self preservation were ill inclined and I ended up enacting some serious self-destruction. Giving some things away and not others, I ultimately burned myself out on self-reflection as a whole, but with both time and private writings under my belt I do believe I am back for good.

So hello again dearest diary (and friends, family, strangers, patrons, and acquaintances).

Get ready for some serious coming out.

Personal Statement

Sorry y'all! I've disappeared the last couple months, focusing my energy into getting this law school underway, but it's all coming together now and I thought I would publicly share my personal statement. This is probably my second to last draft, so I anticipate feedback!  

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              As an undergraduate history student at San Francisco State University, I was always drawn to stories of labor action, progressive social change and communities flourishing despite facing seemingly insurmountable adversity. Stories of people actively shaping and reshaping the world in which they live to provide a better future for themselves and their families ingrained themselves into my psyche more so than the important survey knowledge of dates and locations, a crux for any serious history student. Since graduation, my interest in stories of change has only grown and I am hoping to earn a law degree to not only continue learning from these kinds of stories, but to also add myself to them, taking strides to make positive changes in the world around me, especially in the realm of labor and the sex industry.

While doing research in the campus Labor Archives my junior year of college, I happened across stacks of articles about the radical unionization of the Lusty Lady peepshow theater in 1997 and their momentous move to become a co-operative business in 2003, changing my unforeseeable future. That summer I became a dancer at the Lusty Lady, the world’s only unionized and worker-owned adult entertainment facility, consistently working until 3am, when needed, throughout my graduating year. As soon as I passed my probationary period I became an active member of both the SEIU local 1021 and the co-operative, filling some of the most crucial administrative positions.

In my mere two-and-a-half-years as a sex-worker, working for some of the safest, most independent, and feminist-minded places, I have still personally experienced and witnessed others grapple with social and judicial challenges I would not wish upon anyone. As a sex-worker, stigmatization from friends, family members, potential employers, school administrators, landlords and social workers is a constant reminder that sex-work, even in its most legal forms, is not seen as a moral or legitimate profession, resulting in fear, isolation, lost jobs, lost children, closed doors and fewer opportunities. In my experience, the psychological and, unfortunately sometimes, physical harm, would not be so pervasive if the work were seen as equal to that of a retail clerk, banker or another professional, like a lawyer.

Six months ago, I started working with the Bay Area chapter of SWOP (Sex Worker Outreach Project), a national social justice network dedicated to the end of sex industry stigma, harm and inequality through peer support, education and advocacy. With SWOP, I have learned to work on a team to reach out to others in need of health services, legal resources and, sometimes most importantly, a simple friendly ally to a sex-worker, former sex-worker or family member of someone in the business. I have had the honor of speaking on panels, representing sex-workers in school lecture halls and creating public events that bring the voices of sex-workers to academics, other activists and each other. With them I have realized that change, however small, can be accomplished with passion and dedication to hard work.

As my disgruntled grandma likes to remind me, getting into this line of work has been completely my choice and, according to her, delving into sex-work activism is a “nice thing to do,” but relegated to “those people,” unworthy of my or anyone else’s attention. Part of what my grandma says is true: though I grew up in a lower-middle class family, I am fortunate enough to have an education and enough work experience that I can do anything to pay my expenses. However, I cannot disagree more with her insistence of tolerance for the existing social conditions. As I have learned from studying the trajectory of other movements in this country, including civil rights, gay rights, feminist and labor, modification of and innovation upon the status quo only occurs when people from all walks of life, marginalized and privileged, come together and act for equality, not only in their own interest, but in that of others’ as well.

             

Dear High School Drama Teacher

Dear Mr. Mills (my high school's drama teacher):

You always knew I was never drama geek material, but I'm thankful you never gave up trying to force it down my throat. Tricks for line memorization, improv, costume, and serious role play, though ineffectual at the time, have seemed to have reestablish themselves into my person and are actually revealing to be quite useful. As an adult entertainer, these things are more than necessary.

Yes, playing Juliet in our class's contmporary version of "Romeo and Juliet" was a complete failure, having forgotten (ie not actually memorized) most of the lines in my scene, awkwardly sputtering out "Oh happy dagger, here's thy sheath. There rest and let me die," peaking at you through half-closed eyelids while trying to appear dead. Who knew that this would only be the beginning?

At the time I know I thought your idea of using the dramatic arts as a means to stimulate creativity in problem solving, to inspire kinesthetic and empathetic understanding of other people and environments, and to make us all team players was a bunch of hogwash that my anti-social self just didn't want to acclimate to. Well sir, now I am ever so grateful and I wish I could take back all the times I chose to build sets instead of auditioning for the lead. You must be so disappointed so many of your leading ladies and gentlemen have left the theater and turned to more 'stable' jobs, foregoing song and dance, homemade bustles and pompadours for suits and ties and regular paychecks (and not the small one's given to high school drama teachers.)

I hope that my renewed interest in the dramatic arts will make you proud. Without you and your overwhelming dedication to the stage I never would have been able to become a convincing adult baby girl, believable bi-curious college co-ed, hypnotic bratty princess, or overbearing MILF. Ok, you might be a little disappointed that these are porn personas, but hey, they're legitimate paid gigs and a hell of a lot more interesting than most of your most dedicated students careers.

I'd direct you to my work so you can see proof of my utilization of theatrical elements, but, for reasons that should be obvious, I think that would be highly inappropriate. With that you'll just have to take the results of your good efforts at my word and my gratitude from afar.

Sincerely,
Sandy Bottoms

(Dear readers I won't hide things from you! I'll post links to my newest porn adventures as soon as I can!)

Law School Saga

The law school saga continues...

Tomorrow I get the results of the LSATs and I can start plugging away information into all the online electric application forms, a suprisingly tedious and momentous task. According to LSAC graphs and charts my high GPA and, what I hope to be, a high LSAT score still isn't going to cut it for the competitive Bay Area law schools. As I stand now I am average. Boring. Easily passable for other, more groomed applicants, people who have had the idea of "law school" drilled into their heads even before leaving the womb and professional guidance ever since.

Though lacking the grooming other applicants have certainly had, I think I can make up for it, or rather, I NEED to make up for my unexceptional academic prep by writing a kick ass personal statement. Banking on my experiences as a sex-worker and sex-work advocate, I am providing full discloser of my work history, painting a full picture of what I hope to accomplish with a law degree. I understand that this move can totally work to my disadvantage, ensuring that I don't get accepted into top notch schools whose application review panel may be loaded with topnotch, conservative law professors. If it does indeed turn out to be the case that I am barred because of my politics then my response is simply this: I don't want to go to your school anyway (and you WILL know me as someone who forces a change in your standards later :) ).

Now the sticky part of the application process is gathering letters of recommendation. Like anyone who is returning to school after having been out of the academic loop for a while it takes some finagling to get the appropriate content. Schools recommend getting applications by reconnecting with old professors and hitting up employers, which brings up two problems: the first being I was a Middle Eastern history major. "Hello Muslim/Iranian professor whose politics, I'm pretty sure, are super conservative when it comes to sex-work. I need you to write me a letter praising what I have been doing for the past 2 years." I just don't think it's going to happen. The second is I've been in lead administrative positions at the Lusty and we are a cooperative. Who exactly is going to be a "legitimate" reference?

As frustrated and scared that I am I do have faith that it will all come together in the end and I will be able to get into at least one of my preferred schools. Until then I am just going to keep plugging along and will keep interested parties posted!

Writing It Up for SF Weekly

Guess what guys! I've been invited to start writing for SF Weekly's Exhibitionist blog and my first post came out this morning! Since it's been a super hectic week my Exhibitionist post is going to take the place of my regular post, but I pinkie promise I'll post more real soon.

Want to check it out?

International Fisting Day: Courtney Trouble Says Put Your Dukes Up (and IN!) Against Censorship

And, even more importantly, happy International Fisting Day everybody! I can't stress enough how into the hard work Courtney Trouble, Jiz Lee, and all other bloggers/tweeters/porn-lovers/porn-consumers have put into making Fisting Day the phenomenon it is. Jeeze Louise, who wouldn't want to celebrate? You know I will.

Lusty Lady schedule for the week of October 24th

Tuesday 10/25: In Private Pleasures 9 to 1045 am, on stage (and available for VIP) until 3pm.

Friday 10/28: In Private Pleasures 11am to 1245pm, on stage (and available for VIP) until 3pm.