Law School Saga

The law school saga continues...

Tomorrow I get the results of the LSATs and I can start plugging away information into all the online electric application forms, a suprisingly tedious and momentous task. According to LSAC graphs and charts my high GPA and, what I hope to be, a high LSAT score still isn't going to cut it for the competitive Bay Area law schools. As I stand now I am average. Boring. Easily passable for other, more groomed applicants, people who have had the idea of "law school" drilled into their heads even before leaving the womb and professional guidance ever since.

Though lacking the grooming other applicants have certainly had, I think I can make up for it, or rather, I NEED to make up for my unexceptional academic prep by writing a kick ass personal statement. Banking on my experiences as a sex-worker and sex-work advocate, I am providing full discloser of my work history, painting a full picture of what I hope to accomplish with a law degree. I understand that this move can totally work to my disadvantage, ensuring that I don't get accepted into top notch schools whose application review panel may be loaded with topnotch, conservative law professors. If it does indeed turn out to be the case that I am barred because of my politics then my response is simply this: I don't want to go to your school anyway (and you WILL know me as someone who forces a change in your standards later :) ).

Now the sticky part of the application process is gathering letters of recommendation. Like anyone who is returning to school after having been out of the academic loop for a while it takes some finagling to get the appropriate content. Schools recommend getting applications by reconnecting with old professors and hitting up employers, which brings up two problems: the first being I was a Middle Eastern history major. "Hello Muslim/Iranian professor whose politics, I'm pretty sure, are super conservative when it comes to sex-work. I need you to write me a letter praising what I have been doing for the past 2 years." I just don't think it's going to happen. The second is I've been in lead administrative positions at the Lusty and we are a cooperative. Who exactly is going to be a "legitimate" reference?

As frustrated and scared that I am I do have faith that it will all come together in the end and I will be able to get into at least one of my preferred schools. Until then I am just going to keep plugging along and will keep interested parties posted!

Writing It Up for SF Weekly

Guess what guys! I've been invited to start writing for SF Weekly's Exhibitionist blog and my first post came out this morning! Since it's been a super hectic week my Exhibitionist post is going to take the place of my regular post, but I pinkie promise I'll post more real soon.

Want to check it out?

International Fisting Day: Courtney Trouble Says Put Your Dukes Up (and IN!) Against Censorship

And, even more importantly, happy International Fisting Day everybody! I can't stress enough how into the hard work Courtney Trouble, Jiz Lee, and all other bloggers/tweeters/porn-lovers/porn-consumers have put into making Fisting Day the phenomenon it is. Jeeze Louise, who wouldn't want to celebrate? You know I will.

Lusty Lady schedule for the week of October 24th

Tuesday 10/25: In Private Pleasures 9 to 1045 am, on stage (and available for VIP) until 3pm.

Friday 10/28: In Private Pleasures 11am to 1245pm, on stage (and available for VIP) until 3pm.

Bye-Bye Braces

My orthodontist recently told me that my juvenile looking braces should be ready to come off sometime around Thanksgiving. As embarrassed as I am to be an adult with braces, being the only person over age 16 in the Disney-themed office fit with bubblegum flavored gloves and wooden nickels as rewards for a good brushing regimen (to be cashed in for such awesome prizes like Gameboy games and toys, no less), getting repeatedly asked at bars and movie theaters for my identification, keeping my mouth shut for photos during my college graduation, I am actually kind of sad to have them go. Instead of being excited about all the candied apples and beef jerky I will now be able to consume without breaking brackets I am having an identity crisis; who is Sandy Bottoms without her braces?

The 'Sandy Bottoms' persona's existance, running parallel to that of the braces, has been good to me. If you scroll through adult entertainers ads you find that there are a lot of girls that match my description: white, curvy, dark hair and eyes, "girl-next-door" kind of look. As accessories these pain's in the gums have set me apart (aren't I witty, friends?). Braces, being unmovable props for "youth" fantasies, have helped me bring out a naive, giddy, and girly sexual projection of my real self that probably would not have come out otherwise. They've made me different. Without them, I feel I lose the novelty of my character and get lost in the crowd.

So now what? I'm too partial to 'Sandy' to give her up, but she's going to have to go through some sort of chick-flick style make-over. Pin-up goddess? Too high maintenance. Goth vamp? I don't think anyone would take that seriously. Barbie as opposed to Skipper? Maybe. I suppose the montage of possibilities is endless.

Predictably this crisis is extending itself into the real world as I reshape my goals and priorities, seeking a clearer sense of self and roles in the larger picture. Drastic changes in my romantic and familial relationships, Lusty Lady positions, involvement in different kinds of sex-worker activism, and a head-first dive into my career is all happening at the same time. Utterly overwhelming and taxing, yet exhilerating. The braces are coming off and everything is going to be straight, shiny, and new.

Grounding Exercise

Sometimes I forget I have interests beyond sex-work and that I am indeed a dynamic human being that doesn't have to be serious all the time. This is my 5 year old selves's grounding exercise. Apologies for sharing with you.

My name is *Sandy*. I have a pet tortoise names Tuga, enough dresses to clothe a drag football team, and brown eyes. My favorite foods are lasagna and pickles. And if I'm in a Thai restaurant I only order one thing: pad see ew with tofu.

I can't go anywhere near a pole - vertical water pipe, overhang support - without forgetting where I am, clinging to it, and dancing like I'm at work. Inappropriate, I know.

My partner is a math major and I can never decipher the complicated squiggles on his white board. Regardless of my lack of understanding I like to show off his work to anyone that comes to my apartment. Visitors have learned to tolerate this proud partner tendency.

I like to make crap out of other crap and I have more DIY craft sites saved in my bookmarks than anything else. Gluten-free baking sites are a close second.

These boob cakes were not gluten-free:

But these cupcakes were:

When I am not working I am reading: when my partner leaves my side to go to the bathroom, during movie previews, and sometimes even while walking. Its a terrible habit I've had since the tender age of 4.

I've come to grips with the fact that playing dress-up is not something I do just to make money or an indulgence for important holidays like Halloween and Rosh Hashanah, but is truly a way of life. (Enter cheese-ball claims about how looking good makes me feel good etc etc.) Coordinating a hiking costume or "studying at the cafe" outfit, complete with sweater-vest and red think-rimmed non-prescription glasses, has become my reality.

When I was a child I collected rocks, Barbies, and stamps. As an adult I've moved onto scary-looking antique medical supplies, vintage hats, and sex-toys. Tom-Ay-toe - Tom-ahh-toe.

I used to have favorite colors, but I've learned over the years its rude to be discriminatory.

Grievances

Some may call me a sexual health hypochondriac. Others may label me paranoid as every single bump in the night leads to me frantically calling the nurse's hotline in the morning and running to my local gyno office. I, however, think of it as necessary maintenance for my lifestyles as both a proud slut and sex-worker. My doctors, products of a private health care system, don't quite know what to do with an anomaly such as me.

Some of the time I get helpful, genuine responses from nurses and physicians. Most of the time my candidness about my sexual status is responded to with facts and care dished with a side of awkwardness (apparently they don't prepare interns to actually hear the truth about their patients in med school.) Every now and then I confront a medical professional who goes above and beyond their duty to answer medical questions and to treat ailments, choosing to (obviously) let their personal opinions creep into my health care.

The last chapter in this saga was just last week (this may very well be tmi. By all means skip ahead if you'd like to not hear about the health of my cooch.) when I called the Kaiser Permanente advice nurse to ask about a prescription for a normal bacterial or yeast infection, things most women regardless of profession and relationship status get all the time. At first she was friendly and patient then (thinking, like always, it is best to divulge as much information about myself so I can get the best health care I can) I told her my sexual history (including the fact that I use condoms and gloves regularly) and got erratic, unsettling behavior. She swore I had herpes and probably some other STIs too and that I was jeopardizing the health of my future babies by my actions, making me an appointment for my gyno the next morning.

(Let me pause here: this is ANOTHER big thing that is crappy about dealing with health care providers. They assume since I have a uterus I want and will have children. Big news for you KP: I don't want any, nor do I plan on having any so you can please take your patriarchal head out of my ovaries.)

I went to my appointment a nervous wreck, knowing that I had been treated poorly, but actually convinced that I needed to seek medical attention. My doctor took a quick look between my legs and said no one in their right mind would have diagnosed me as having herpes or any other STI, though she did a full screening just to pacify my still worried and confused expressions. Owning my original concerns to regular female biochemistry (what I had thought in the first place!) she inferred again that had the advice nurse actually listened to me the night before the appointment and my night of worrying about my life choices would have been avoided entirely.

In the past I have swept such negative interactions under the rug, whining and woe-ing to friends and co-workers about the BS sex-workers and sluts have to go through dealing with doctors and nurses while never actually doing anything about it. I'm tired of whining to the choir and listening to others preach about how they've had terrible experiences with their doctors and their nurses too. This time I'm going to do more than whine -- I'm going to encourage others to whine too. AND to whine loudly.

Do you have stories to share? Please do!

Do you have resources for others to submit grievances and feedback to health care providers? Please share!

What You Need to Know About Auditions

Weeks leading to an audition I receive a mountain of applications, emails and phone from prospect auditionees. Monthly this tends to be around 30 people. About 10 (give or take a few) actually show up for the audition. To keep the scheduling balance (to not take away shifts from tenured dancers, but have enough as back up) we hire about 3-4 of these auditionees, keeping in mind that some may change their minds about sex-work or will quit for some other reason, max out on points, or will have to be fired for being crazy/solicitation etc etc. Fortunately, we have been able to keep the vast majority of the newly hired babes the last few rounds and will be accepting some as co-op members in the very near future, which is, of course, one of the best parts of working at the Lusty Lady.

Ladies we decide to hire are judged upon the following things:

-appearance (are they/will they femme up? do they have a look our patrons will like? are they energetic and flirty? etc *Note this does NOT mean weight/height/ethnicity/sexual-orientation/experience-level specifications. We have dancers of all makes and models.)

-performance (do they dance well/can they learn quickly to dance better? are they having a positive experience? are they afraid to approach the windows? etc)

-availability (do they have an availability that match our needs as a business? are they auditioning for props in a women's studies class (ie only want 1 shift a week)? If not available Fri/Sat night and on-call forget it)

-interview (are they easy to get along with? are they interested in the co-op/union? are they easy to communicate with?)

As everyone can imagine making decisions about auditions is not easy and as a madam team we cannot and we do not let our personal feelings about an individual or a group of people get ahead of what we feel is right for our business. Whether the auditionee is a friend/relative/partner of one of us or of a co-op member we judge everyone equally.

If you are interested in auditioning at the Lusty Lady here are some tips:

-Study for your test! Your most important resource is the live show, both Private Pleasures and the main stage, and talking with the girls (please understand you are taking their time and focus so please tip accordingly.) Supplementary study material can include porn, our documentary Live Nude Girls Unite, and Lusty Lady events outside of our Kearny address.

-Practice! Put on your tallest heels, strip down to your birthday suit and dance like you've got a room full of happy customers watching.

-Have fun playing dress-up! Remember you want to bring a make-up and hairspray enhanced fierce and sexy you to the audition. The stage lights tend to wash us out so don't be afraid to go a little heavier with the make-up and to try new things like false eyelashes and glitter.

-Put on a good face! Confidence is everything. Though you may be having the time of your life on stage, if we can't read sexy confidence on your face most likely our patrons can't either and that just doesn't work. No one is comfortable watching an angry/upset/on-the-verge-of-a-nervous-breakdown stripper.

-Bring us some OOOMFFF in your interview! MAKE us remember you. We will ask you general and logistical questions, but feel free to push it further. Have you been carrying around your copy of the Lusty Lady zine, reading like the Bible? Tell us! If you're obsessed with us, we will be obsessed with you.

If you've auditioned before and you didn't get a call back and you can't find a reason in the above passage feel free to ask for feedback and audition again. I, like many of our most established dancers at the Lusty, did not get hired at my first audition (believe me, I can tell you everything this hot little mess did wrong.)

All Work and No Play Makes Sandy A Very Horny Girl

I'm not sure if it is because I need to release the extra tension and stress that studying and work have caused me or if the Bay Area's Indian summer just has me in heat, but I've been watching a lot of porn lately. And I mean A LOT of porn. Like twice a day of dirty streaming alone time "must have an orgasm now" porn sessions on top of wrangling my partners into bed. While probably half of the time I can't recall what I got off to even minutes after clearing my computer's history (I think I'm part goldfish, what can I say?), I have noticed that I have a pretty wide range in porn tastes.

(Again, this is half-assed bullet time since I'm really procrastinating with my studies more than anything.)

-gay dude porn: I probably watch more dude on dude porn than anything which I attribute to the audio. Most girl/girl, girl/dude porn sounds sooooooo fake. I can't stand the exaggerated screams and "oh babys" that runneth out of the mouths of the girls in these videos, no matter how hot the action actually is. Gay porn (without music) has real grunts that always do it for me.

-throat fuck: Again, my preference goes back to the sounds. I like the choking, gagging, and gasps for air.

-arty scenes (straight and queer): As long as there is no music or too obvious plastic surgery in expensive and tastefully shot scenes I am into them. These may include: fancy backlighting, crisp-clean sheets, velvet curtains, long-caresses, and shots of couples staring into each other's eyes.

-Kink.com's Public Disgrace: Mmmm I love me some hardcore public gangbangs and humiliating BDSM.

-masturbation clips: You'd think I've be desensitized considering my current profession is to watch people jack off for a living, but I'm really into it. 

-age play (sshhhh, I haven't told my sex-partners this, but sometimes even incest play): Yup, sometimes I think the whole dirty old man neighbor spying on the young girl next door thing is hot or unsuspecting babysitter or ...

-outside amateur scenes: Did you just whip out your iphone and film your experimental little selves doing it out in the woods during your camping trip? You totally did and I totally liked it.

I'd like to think of myself as an equal opportunity viewer and, while I only listed my favorites, I think I've perused (if not whacked it to) pretty much everything from clown porn to BBW to foot fetish to masturbation instruction.