Monday, March 28, 2011

Hollie Stevens-Breast Cancer Support!

My co-worker Hollie Stevens is kinda amazing. A young porn star, writer, artist, and a kick-boxer among many other things, Hollie is subverted yet able to blend herself into the mainstream and I'm always fascinated by her stories of personal and professional trysts. When I first heard through the grapevine she was making appointments for a growing lump in her breast a couple months ago I couldn't believe that cancer could even be an option given her age and blonde-goddess appeal, but alas, the initial appointment turned into many and breast cancer was finally diagnosed.

As of now I don't know what treatment is going to look like for Hollie Stevens or how much treatment will affect her ability to work. With her permission I am posting links to her blog, so friends and fans can keep themselves updated and send her love directly. I intended to also post a link to Hollie's Breast Cancer Fund, but blogspot won't let me paste the long link into this post (stupid blogspot!): if you go to her blog page all it takes is a simple click to get to her fund. We all know health care is expensive even for not so involved maladies and ailments so PLEASE support -- even small donations add up and can pay for prescriptions, co-payments etc!

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Lusty Lady Makes Me Think of...

1. sexy, smart ladies. Never before have I surrounded myself by so many beautiful, level-headed, intelligent chicks.

2. semen. Really.

3. the most awkward song transitions. Yes, we dance sexy to the Ghost Busters theme, Frank Sinatra, Lil' Kim, and Black Sabbath back-to-back.

4. porn. I swear there is at least one dancer on stage at a time that has done some sort of porn.

5. forced family gatherings. Sometimes our meetings can turn out like big, chaotic family Thanksgivings: sibling rivalry, crazy uncle drunkenly rambling, grandma giving wisdom to the younger generations ... but we all respect each other all the same.

6. whack-a-mole. Friday and Saturday nights, when North Beach gets drunk and rowdy, windows pop up and down, patrons switch windows, and occasionally cause mayhem and we get to try to cover them all.

...this list is never ending. Have anything to add?

Monday, March 7, 2011

Sex-Worker Social Networking

Working in the sex-industry I hear time and again people expressing a desire for some sort of fellowship with other sex-workers for both professional insight and camaraderie. This kind of work can be isolating, with fear of exposure and prejudice keeping many from sharing major parts of their life from even their closest friends and family. Many, like myself and others at the Lusty Lady, create second social networking profiles on websites like facebook and twitter to connect with the outside world and other sex-workers, however the hypersexualization understandably overshadows the persons deeper persona and many are ever mindful of posting too true information, timid of giving patrons too much.

So what about our own social networking site?

While there are a plethora of sex-worker advocacy specialty groups (COYOTE, St. James Infirmary, BAYSWAN etc), they are often disjointed and there is absolutely nothing in terms of mutual social support. The site would allow members (who would be screened for authenticity) to create profiles revealing as little or as much true information about themselves as they would like without fear of discrimination, persecution, unwanted sexual advancements, exposure etc, form groups based around background, interests, and experiences, promote events (social, activist, kink etc), start discussions on public forums, and have private chats with each other.

I believe that having a social networking site like this would build unity in the local sex-worker community across the various profession, age, sexual identity, gender, and race spectrums and will be a valid and useful tool in forming and boosting social and personal identity, increasing sex-worker companionship and support, and holding space for sex-worker activist groups and resources.

Recently speaking with one of the leaders of SWOP (Sex Worker Outreach Project) Bay Area chapter I found that once upon a time there once was a social networking site catering to SWOP members on a national level. While I believe their attempts at a national unity are ambitious and awe inspiring I feel like the only way to successfully build such an intricate forum is to go another route, basing the membership first on location, as opposed to whether or not the person is affiliated with that specific group (whose work or ideals an individual may not claim), gender, or type of sex-work (like another national site does), prompting people to form tangible and lasting connections in a more grassroots way.

Within the nest couple of weeks I will be meeting up with the Bay Area SWOP membership again soon and will start the process of applying for grants.

Anyone with any interest, fears, advice, or questions please message me! All of our voices are important. 

Sunday, March 6, 2011


These are the things that keep me up at night, that keep my head spinning, my eye twitching, and knees shaking. Sometimes I feel so sure of myself, of my independence, of my direction, of my sensibility, while other times I feel nothing more than a puddle of emotions stirred into an unrecognizable concoction I have to call 'self.'

Who the hell am I? Where do I get off being a goody goody know-it-all? Can I really make a difference? Is what I call a difference actually doing anything in the world? Am I going to be like this forever? Do I WANT to be like this forever? What am I sexually? Queer, lesbian, or some uncategorized creature that changes its mind? Why am I attracted to the people I'm attracted to? Why do I get so hung up over never having to "come out" about my sexuality to my family? Why is laying out everything about myself at Thanksgiving or some other stereotypical "coming out" family get together so appealing? Will I want or would it be OK to bring multiple partners to family gatherings? Is it possible to love more than one person equally? Do age differences really matter ever? Do I want to be married? What are Boyfriend and I going to do with the ring he bought me when we were 19? How old will I be when I decide I want to "settle down"? Will I ever want to? Will I ever want biological children of my own? Am I going to end up being sterile because of my IUD? How does one force others to conceptualize things as I do? Am I too simplistic? How the hell am I  a sex-worker and sex party attendee and STILL such a prude? Why am I so sensitive to crude jokes? Why can I not make a decent mixed cd? How do I keep from losing all of my possessions in a house fire? (I'm petrified of house fires) Can I have a tortoise and a cat? How do I build a meaningful and intentional community where a half-assed one already exists? I'm not an artist, can I ever be? How do I tell my grandma I'm not ready for law school? Will I lose every future opportunity to do so if I do? Why does kissing you give me so many butterflies? When can I go on a REAL vacation (and how can I afford it)? I am a 'processing' monster, why am I refusing to process certain things? How can I make sure my needs and desires aren't lost given my passivity in friendships and intimate relationships?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Porn Review!

Gosh, I am such a slacker sometimes! I've been meaning to share the link for Ali Oh's review of the Crash Pad scene Siouxsie and I did early last month. To be quite honest Ms Oh's comments were exactly what we were hoping for: an appreciation of the appearance of two queer femmes getting down and dirty in queer porn (and I might add in the Bay Area queer scene in general, actually), which is quite masculine-centric. (More thoughts on that at another time)

Anyways, please read Ali Oh's blog Made of Words and let me know what you think!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

"Love Story"

Despite believing whole-heartely that polyamory is in fact the ideal relationship model for myself and for most people I know, I still can't believe how much I get sucked into loving cheesy "happily-ever-after" books and movies and, more embarrassingly, even finding myself having visceral reactions to the lyrics, sobbing while listening to The Cure's "Love Song," Taylor Swift's "Love Story," or Kate Nash's "The Nicest Thing." Though I swear the opportunity for the latter only occurs once a month.

I can appreciate and relate to love themes in mainstream media, the existence of deep emotional all-encompassing bonds with other human beings, the intoxication of pursuit and being pursued, reeling over first kisses and first "I love you's," and the desire to intimately share my life over space and time, but not so much the repeated "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in baby carriage" stereotype that's crammed down my throat. I believe love can happen more than once, at different times with different people in any range of intensity or intention. Marriage and children are options, not mandatory cultural ritual. I wish, almost more than anything, that these ideas were co-opted more in our Western society, but alas, they are not.

My inclination to listen to Rihanna's "Only Girl in the World" on repeat goes against practically everything I stand for in relationships, but I eat it up. I can relate to the lyrics of wanting to be the most important person in the world for someone else, yearning to be recognized as inspiring the discovery of untapped pools of  feelings and characteristic's that my partner hasn't yet reached, but her lyrics aren't followed with "And its ok if she is the only girl in the world tomorrow."