Getting Physical

Despite the fact that the Lusty patron and the dancers are separated physically by a quarter inch of glass and audibly by pounding music it is amazing how much communication can still pass through. Patron behavior has a profound effect on the body language, mood, and response of the dancer, and can leave us reeling with emotion, both positive and negative, for hours.

Working Friday and Saturday late nights at the Lusty Lady a dancer can experience the whole range of customer interaction, as North Beach's high-density of booze-filled party-goers on these nights bring larger than usual crowds through our doors and late-nights in general at the Lusty harbor the more "interesting" customers. Hand signals telling us what to do like swimming motions (open your legs), finger twirling (turn around), and beckoning are generally unwanted customer behavior and are ignored or responded to resolutely with either a honey-dripped "sweetie, you can't tell me what to do in this room" or harshly with a "I make the rules here, don't tell me what to do." Crossed-arms or other bored behavior from customers recipricates like with like, most of our ladies won't even bother approaching the window of someone who can't even bother looking at them in the face. Drunk women feigning shock over the site of naked women, who point, laugh, compare, or even ridicule the dancers can cause extreme emotional stress, leaving lasting impressions.

While a good Friday or Saturday night dance shift is one in which the dancers don't have to direct the patrons to close and lock their doors too much, have their picture taken, or leave the Lusty feeling completely depleted and exhausted, a great shift is one where the dancers feel a sense of comraderie with one another and can actually get into the party atmosphere of the world beyond the glass. I personally love it when customers pretend to dance or sing with me, tell me about their love lives or what they plan to do that night, and try to "eye fuck" me through the glass. Yes, intense (non creepy) eye contact and real flirting can get the juices flowing for real on our side of the glass and leave us feeling just as head-high and horny as our masturbating audience.

While many people describe strip clubs and peepshows as places of fantasy, which certainly is true to a certain extent, they are also places of intimacy. Utterly naked and exposed, we dancers are much more attuned to negative and harmful body language and grab onto the inviting and flirty behavior of men and women. No physical touching is possible under our roof, but damn if we cannot actually feel those pokes, prods, grabs, booty spanks, soft strokes, hugs, and kisses through the window!

Present Incorporations

Things are certainly trying between studying for the future, working and striving for the present, and constantly dealing and strengthening with what one has grown up with and incorporating with in the past. Yes, yes, I've apologized time and again for not keeping track of my public blog, but I mean something more than that. I do not keep a diary, and, aside from my texts, I dont write much more than that than my work emails, schedules, and LSAT crap. I just don't. This blog is incredibly important to me; this is the place where I keep everything essential to myself, in any form.

To be honest I don't have a relatioship to my parents, or any other member of my family. Long-term friends are inconsistant and I have a very bad habit of pushing people away. I've never been the socialite and, because of my mothers adolecent social paranoia, I was never really able to "get out there" with my peers.

I have often felt the outcast, someone somehow missing the point of the game and or how to really be on the level of the one's around; whether they be fellow students in high school or college or previous loved ones. And now, for a plethora of reasons, I have begun to be "on the in." I kinda feel like I know what I'm doing. Sort of.

I am going to keep going. I am going to be that old me. That person who organizes, works constanty (whether it is a mundane role or not), AND I am going to do whatever the fuck I want.

I want a record of this. ME not caring for things, for getting credit where it is deserved, knowing what is right completely subjectivly, seeking pleasure, getting paid, orgasiming, loving, creating, flirting, writing, being carefree, being careful, wanting to be that Rosie the Riviter persona I have wanted to be.

This is me and I need to be consistent and true to me. I am sorry to me, I am going to be taking much better care of you.