Thursday, February 16, 2012

Coming Out: Sex Work

When asked the seemingly innocuous question "So, what do you do?" with my mouth open in the dentist chair or sopping wet in front of my hair stylist I tend to respond boldly, yet vaguely with "I'm a sex worker." This all-encompassing word is plastered all over my blog, in which I say time and time again that I am proud and rooted in what I do, while at the same time hiding it, or at least part of it.

Y'all know that for almost 3 years I have been a peepshow dancer, a sometimes porn performer and fetish model and a now-and-again stripper and cam model. What I've been most hesitant to disclose is that I am also (insert your alternative term of choice: escort, call girl, ho) a prostitute.

Before I go into more details about why and how I decided to become a professional sex-er, what my partners think/feel about it and how we interact around my job, or my unique intersectional experiences (I promise I will go into them in other posts), I want to make some blanket statements about myself, my work and what it means to be out.

-I am a sex worker by choice. No one and nothing coerced or forced me into doing anything ever. My job is my own because I want it to be and it affords me the time to work on academics, activism and personal projects and allows me to sustain a lifestyle of my liking.

-I am not ashamed of my actions and projections because I am in full control of what I do and who I meet. The only shame I can ever feel is that which others betroth upon me. If you feel shame of what I do I am more than happy and willing to help you to get passed your feelings. If there is no end to your feelings of shame then we have a problem.

-Being out about my work is also a choice I am consciously making and I hold no prejudice against sex-workers who cannot or choose not to be. I hold our sex/female bashing society in judgement for pushing people (all people) in the closet and know that activism isn't something all sex workers are into.

-"Sandy Bottoms" is a sex work name I use, but not for ho-ing. Anyone messaging me about those kinds of services through that name will not get a positive response. Treat it like my pen name. Or, better yet, my real name. (If you spotted "birth name" me in a restaurant you wouldn't ask "Sandy" for a lapdance, would you?)

-All my old public agreements are true: I will never out another sex-worker or customer and I will never sensationalize or share stories for shock value. I can only honestly attest for my experiences.

-Lastly and most importantly, I am normal. I am still the same friend, ex-lover, acquaintance, classmate, coworker, daughter, granddaughter I was before you knew. (Inspired by Robyn Few's video statements which can be seen here.)

1 comment:

  1. Two things I would like to point out:
    1. If you are "more than happy to help them get past it" then why do you run away or lie when confronted with questions about your health or safety?
    2. I don't know what is more asinine about the last paragraph, the Fact that you wrote it at all, or the possibility to believe it.