Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Remembering to Breathe

One month ago I was hired by the the Lusty Lady to be the new Lead Madam and have been busy in training ever since. Despite working at a peepshow this position is not unlike any other "manager" position, though perhaps even a bit more important to our cooperative business model than that of the general hierarchical administrative heads of others. Although I am hired to do a job separate from the dancers I am still part of the whole and my tasks not only effect everyone around me but myself as an individual dancer as well.

Aside from gaining a fairytale new title (yes, madams and mistresses are always included in my fairy tales) I now have even more responsibility at my beloved place of business. With that responsibility, which I already know will be weighty and rough, comes the opportunity to make my own lasting impact on the place that I consider to have been my gateway into another world; a world that I had only dreamed of being about to peek into a year and a half ago. A world of community, safety, acknowledgment, and aspirations.

Blah, blah, blah followed by an idealistic statement or two....

Although I am fully enthralled at the prospect of having a positive lasting impact at the Lusty Lady and know, for whatever reason, that I have many of the characteristics that build a strong administrator I am scared. Please read, I am not scared of the tasks, of not being liked, or of the unimagined potential burdens, but of losing myself in the job itself, foregoing my "me time" to catch up on extra work or making up for lost time with loved ones.

So I'm starting yoga. Yup, hippy-dippy yuppie bendy breathing practices that only I get to go to once a week for an hour and a half. No friends, no work phone, no shoes even, just movement and reflection on my body for nobody else's pleasure but my own. While yoga is a physical action that I project as imbibing my new "me time" the mantras are reminders I must give myself over and over everyday.

"Remember to breathe."

If I forget to breathe in this moment I can't help myself, I can't work, I can't love or communicate with others, I can't build foundations for any sort of momentous future....

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