Lusty Lady Playday

Sunday morning I awoke stiff and sore, completely depleted from the long physically intense day I endured before. Saturday October 16th we Lusty gals hosted Playday, a 16 hour long in house party for which we have the rare opportunity to come outside of the glass to play. Under old management Playday was set on the slowest day of the year and owners essentially pulled their hands out of the business and allowed the dancers to do whatever they could do to make as much money as possible with the incentive that the dancers would be able to keep it all as a "Christimas Bonus" of sorts. Manipulative yet creative, the dancers turned the tradition into one of self empowerment and an opportunity to promote the business after the cooperativization. Year after year dancers and support staff would create a safe space for performers and faithful patrons to interact more personally and creatively, an event as much about building community within SF as it was about the immediate needs of the co-op members themselves.

Unfortunately internal efforts were needed elsewhere and the Lusty party was left to the wayside for 3 years, but never forgotten. Customers repeatedly requested the event and tenured dancers remembering the party's positive attributes influenced the Lusty masses to bring it back to the old theatre. Community minded and part of PR committee I was able to be a part of bringing this notable event back, and as tired as the effort made me, I couldn't be happier with the results. 10 percent of the door proceeds were given to St. James Infirmary, noted sexologist Dr. Carol Queen made a brief appearance on our live stage and was an open ear to dancer's ideas and dreams for world more receptive to sex worker needs and rights, and the Lusty Ladies experienced a comradery building opportunity unlike anything I've seen before.

This is why I work the Lusty Lady Peepshow theatre. I love my co-workers, my community, and the cross-pollination of ideas and forms of expression that can occur with only a little bit of nudging. Bruised and battered after the intense workout I still can't help but relish the tremendous benefit that comes with it.

Kiss and Tell

If you peruse my blog entries you will find truly sexually explicit content quite rare, although many of the topics are sexual in nature. While I have abandoned blog drafts and half-finished handwritten journal entries reflecting more scandalous and intimate material, I have steered clear of posting these things for the protection of partner's and co-worker's identities and feelings and my own personal boundaries. Sorry, dear readers (if there actually are any), I hate to disappoint, but I have never been a girl to kiss and tell.

I can tell you I am quite enjoying my half-secret fantastically realistic fairy-tale life through which I am able to express myself whole-heartily on so many many levels. Thanks to friends, partners, and my own sense of wonder I am experiencing a plethora of wild and amazing things that I often shake with the desire to share with the world but I have to refrain. I am an exhibitionist, yes, but I am also a big fan of controlled environments and an internet blog just does not make the cut.

Furthermore, if you happen to be disappointed, I have to state that revealing play-by-plays of my late night soirees and fantasies has never been the purpose of my public blog. My intention is to bring a melding of self reflection and academic analysis of my experiences as a whole, using more revealing and specific information in order to support larger themes and ideas, never at the expense of others in the process.

Finding the balance between sharing exciting experiences and revealing a series of raunchy stories can sometimes be difficult, yet to exhibit without meditation or care for others is the easy way out. It may be bold to share every detail of my sex life but I couldn't say that work would be contributing to any sort of positive end.

Decisions Decisions

Yay, I am officially done with the LSATs and I don't think I did too terribly on them, alas I will not know until November 1st. Next step to figuring out my life in this next year is to start gathering law school applications and letters of recommendation, writing and editing my admission' essays, and start making some decisions. While there is really only one family member pushing me to go back to school asap, I'm still quite unsure about what I want to do. On one hand I would love to be out and done with law school by the time I'm 24, but I also feel to young to start such a heavy career and I don't want to give up my lifestyle. I really feel like I am able to find myself now, center on what is important to me, and identify with others better than ever before, which I'm afraid may all be lost, or at least placed on a long hold, if I were to go back immediately.

Being a child borne of chaos I actively strove for schedule and stability, through high school and college, in all facets of my life. I rushed through my college experience, planning everything from my first year to the last. The past year, some of which has been spent still in school, I have never felt more grounded or centered while being less self-contained and active in the world around me and I'm certainly not ready to risk having anything stunted. Part of me thinks this fear is unfounded and that change can only happen if I want it to, but the thought of it possibly being inevitable with a heavier study load and additional rigor to my everyday agenda keeps creeping in on me.

Spontaneity, creativity, and progression have spoiled me I suppose.

Photography

I finally recieved unedited files of the two photoshoots I participated in with fellow Lusties and models Kitty McMuffin and Tempest with photographer John Gatta. Want to see?

Booth Fantasies

I'm not sure if its due to the recent slowing in Private Pleasures traffic in the last few days, my constant interaction with some hot and sexy people, or just the dream malaise that sometimes occurs under the red and amber blinking lights, but I've been having some pretty intense fantasies about my place of business.

I imagine a hot straight couple coming in for the first time. The woman, smiling sheepishly, tells me she secretly fantasizes about women but doesn't know how to meet them or what to do with them even if she did. Somehow the glass disappears and I give direction as her man sucks and fucks until I tell him its my turn to have my way with her...

I imagine my lover (gah I hate that word!) coming in for a visit, staring at me through the glass cock in hand while I tease him to frustration, which after an elaborate power exchange and some punishment for my naughty behavior I'm left to sit in cum soaked panties for my next real customer...

I imagine watching my boyfriend in a corner booth of the live show with a trans lover, making a show of screwing all hot and sweaty for us girls on stage, who can't help but pant and moan...

I imagine a fellow Lusty Lady crush finally addressing my pining, initiating some surprise girl-on-girl action in the break room, which all of our customers (hearing the ridiculously loud squeals) mistake as someone's really lame porn...

Small Thoughts on Balance

Boyfriend and I are finally getting into the groove of things in our and our external relationships. Rules are being scrutinized and renegotiated, most of them being tossed aside as being unnecessary or as stemming from haphazard feelings. Which is not to say that we are going to be going about our independent business willy-nilly, but that we are learning more and more communication and honesty are key, as opposed to the many mundane obstacles we started with.

Though our experiences had been unbalanced for months, with myself developing a relationship with another man while Boyfriend has been without momentum, the scales seem to be evening. Gaining some extra doses of confidence, Boyfriend has been going on some dates of his own, lessening fears and jealousy that espoused from feeling left out. And I couldn't be happier. This sounds strange to my "normal" friends, but I love the man and, quite frankly, I know others will as well and both he and they shouldn't be denied.

While I know that this shift is new and still going to be ever-changing I am thankful for its presence now.

Chit-Chat

Oh gosh I love the customers that just come in to the Lusty to talk. While they are few and far between our Private Pleasures sessions can be so educational and mutually theraputic.

In one of my most recent encounters our faithful patron, who out of kindness I will not name, paid me the price of a show and tipped me generously before starting our chat. Due to the rareness, the onset of such interactions can be a bit awkward with myself usually undressing before the patron has declared a different motive for his visit, but generally the vulnerability of honesty and openness from the customer balance the obvious vulnerability of nakedness on my part. In this case our conversation only lasted a few minutes the topics ranging from residency history (his, not mine), tattoo symbolism, to Lusty Lady history I hadn't known. While I would have kept the meter running for such valuable company, he quickly thanked me for my time and wished me the best of luck as soon as the first buzzer went off.

Other chit-chatty customers like the attention focused more on themselves, which for a work-a-holic stripper can be quite the relief at times. I've heard the woes of men who have just gotten dumped and divorced, the happy announcements of engagements and marriage, and anecdotes of all shapes and sizes brought back from the office, vacation, sexual expeditions, and practically any other category of story one can imagine. I've seen frustration, glee, confusion, melancholy, and illumination on more faces than I can count and been empathetic to them all.

While sometimes the conversations can turn a bit heavy, I generally get some sort of pressure relieved off my shoulders in the process as well. These people aren't looking for a hot body to fetishize or eroticize they are looking for an open ear and, for whatever reason, can't find it anywhere else in the "real" world. They come to us, strippers and masturbators, not to gawk or get off but to relate to another human being. Being what I am I often have a hard time relating to others back in my clothes and far away from the glass it is awfully nice to have someone from the outside choose to connect me in such a basic human way.