December

Whoa.

Somehow this December has flown by with me hardly having a chance to breathe it all in let alone process and reflect. Its been exhilarating yet exhausting and I pinkie promise myself (and whoever else reads this!) that I am going to trudge through the half dozen entry introductions properly sometime in the near future. Granted this month is not quite over and there is still a momentous amount of excitement to get to yet with the holidays, my birthday, and important work deadlines fast approaching, but I will not let myself get sucked away from recording any longer.

Alright, here I go; inhaling, soaking up the sensations, and letting it linger over me in only the good ways. I am sure whatever else is not going to come out in any chronological order, please just bear with me.

LL Kinky KISS-MASS

In an effort to raise money for much needed repairs, renovations, and novelties the Lusty Lady hosts a scandalous holiday party at an outside location where patrons, fans, and passersby can get up close and personal with their favorite ladies. Emceed by Kingfish of Hubba Hubba Revue and headlined by DESTROYER (KISS coverband), The Minks (all girl Kinks coverband), Horror X, and Trixxie Carr on the mainstage the kinky KISS-MASS holiday party will be held at the DNA Lounge this coming Friday the December 10th from 9 to 2 am.

Unlike other work holiday functions this party offers Star of David pastied nips, foot worship and private dances, raffle prizes from some of SF's kinkiest and sex-positive sources, naughty elf burlesque, and even a donkey show amongst the tinsel, carols, and pink Christmas trees. While I haven't yet decided if I will be offering any private sessions (though perhaps may be convinced if Im asked real nice) you may spot me getting naughty with Siouxsie Q in the kissing booth and triapsing around the main floor and the upstairs VIP area with raffle tickets to sell all night long.

Booth Musings

Its this time of year, between Thanksgiving and New Years, that things really start slowing down in the peepshow, and really, North Beach as a whole. With patron's superfluous money being diverted towards gifts, travel expenses, and holiday dinners and time monopolized by the need to work overtime to make up the difference, the Lusty Lady has been downright dead. While this *ouch* hurts all of our paychecks, I have been feeling particularly lonely in Private Pleasures as of late, but have been trying to find ways to keep myself occupied.

Sitting in an aquarium at the end of a chilly hallway left to my own devices, pining to be off and doing something constructive or arty (or even pointless and silly), I started to write down a little bit of information about some of my booth patrons. Don't worry lads and lasses I pinkie promise I will refrain from sharing this information publicly for I often feel like I'm retaining privileged knowledge of individuals I'm not morally or legally obligated to share, like a therapist or religious figure perhaps. However, it has been suggested they would make an interesting Edward Gorey style alphabet book:

A is for Adolf who loves to show his SS tattoo's to me.

B is for Brian who likes to be assaulted by bears.

C is for Clyde who pretends to lick and suck my toes.

D is for David who just goes and goes and goes...

Paired with some silly, and maybe explicit, black and white sketches I think this might make a very unique little pocket book gift...

....or maybe not.

Giving Thanks

In addition to good health and stability I have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving day, being especially blessed with the presence of some amazingly beautiful creatures whom I can call friends and companions. While it is easy to get sucked into the family dramas and annual holiday suckery, a pitfall I too ended up focusing on all too much while being stuck in the mandatory holiday rounds with antagonistic and judgemental family members, it is important to remind myself of the truly positive experiences and people I have been touched by and learned from.

Thanks to all of you who have helped to bring me out of my shell, however uncomfortable and jarring the experience may have been. Thanks to friends and family that have given their unconditional love and support to my life choices, realizing I don't lead the most conventional life your welcoming ears and shoulders are worth all that much more. I thank everyone that has been, is, and may be part of my continuing journey of self-discovery, self-love, and romping through this world.

dudeguymanman

After having had some complete dating failures with women I have joined the okcupid.com bandwagon at last. In an effort to dissuade men-folk from sending me messages (really, I have nothing against you guys! I just have my fill at the moment and don't want to waste anyones time) I have explicitly asked them NOT to message me right at the very top of my page. Despite my "looking for" section listing trans, boi, and girlies specifically I still have had 28 messages from men, single and strictly monogamous to boot, within 48 hours.

While I checked them all one by one into the trash file I did pause to read two of them. The first, from a polyamorous hetero-flexible man in a long-term partnership who thought he found a creative loophole in my declaration that men need not apply, managing to glean a chuckle out of me before finally hitting the delete button. My most recent one has left me less than amused, coming from someone with the username dudeguymanman.

This one I didn't even need to open. I mean, really?

I know I know I know it has only been a couple of days but I am seriously starting to doubt that I am going to have the patience for this site despite other's rave reviews. Anyone have any successful secrets they would like to share?

le sigh....

My Week, Every Week

Detecting the wear and tear work has done on body and mind, loved ones have recently approached me with concern, asking me just how much I work at the Lusty Lady. Since it was suggested I write out my duties for my own reflection, I have decided to share it with you:

20+ = the number of hours onstage or in PP

3 = for writing and reciting the hotline schedule at 3:00 am for a week at least once a month

10+ = for being a Junior Madam: making the schedule, checking in with dancers, and office work

7+ = if I happen to have the on-call phone

3 = for assistant PR: working on the website, collaborating for fliers, events, and corralling the co-op

1-2= for being on the "Jukebox" committee which entails dealing with the music to be played as we dance

Barring any Board of Directors, co-op, or dancer meetings this adds to about 45 hours a week. It is no wonder I have creaky knees and twitching eyelid.

Traveling

I leave my apartment early tonight, thinking I might as well take advantage of traveling into the Lusty Lady to absorb some of the San Francisco scenery before starting work. The air is crisp and clear. I protect myself from the early darkness and chilling weather with plenty of layers, leaving only my cheekbones and fingertips exposed.

Reaching BART I realize I've just missed my train, the next one arriving in 17 minutes. I pull out my book Unrepentant Whore, the collected works of Scarlot Harlot, taking care to hide the cover picture of a naked curvy red-headed woman from other expectant passengers. As the minutes go by more and more people headed to the city crowd around the black squares on the platform, encircling my spot at the very front and center; I snap my book closed in fear of having curious eyes read over my shoulder.

Despite my efforts I can tell I'm found out as a pretty dark-haired late-20-something woman nudges her masculine date and points her eyes downwards at what is in my hands. My work bag alone can seem innocuous enough with its pink and gold stripes pointing to nothing but whimsy and eccentricity, but paired with the boxed clearance Halloween heals dangling from my other arm my late-night profession is an easy guess. Damn, I should have remembered to stuff them in a canvas bag before I left...

Self-concious I slide my bags as far under the seat as they will possibly go, hoping the visual dissection will be thwarted. Approaching my stop I shoulder my things and wait before the sliding doors, ready to escape the suburban yuppies coming to eat at 4-star restaurants and to see award winning plays and operas.

Above ground another, older, couple who had been stuck immdeiately behind me on both escalators rolls their eyes in my direction as I start my 10 minute climb into North Beach. I can see the projected stereotypes in the whites of their eyes, the misunderstanding, the misused adjectives, and misnomers.

Instead of soaking up the beautiful San Francisco skyline on my trek I am instead lost in thought and at a loss entirely.

Burn Out

In the spirit of Halloween here is my own ghost story...

In the sex industry the words "burn out" pop up again and again like the words "chicken pox" might in a child's daycare. Its a phantom to all of us dancers at the Lusty Lady and, like the threat of a ghastly chemo-virus in a scary zombie movie, hangs ominously over our heads until we are all gotten, sooner or later. Like a disease sex industry burn out is diagnosed by a series of symptoms that may include but are not limited to: frequent tardiness or absenteeism due to anxiety, self-image and self-projection issues, hostility towards men (customers or otherwise) , and private sex-related issues.

While there are a plethora of interesting articles pertaining to the issue and ways in which one can attempt to cure sex-work burn out there is little information about burn out prevention. Unfortunately, there is no injected inoculation for the phenomena, but hopefully one can keep the disease at bay by using the following self-check ins:

-Assess your mental state prior to taking on such work. If you have high self-esteem and balanced mental faculties make it a goal to stay that way. If you have major body or social issues tap into why you want to pursue sex-work, this may very well be bad medicine for you.

-Before doing whatever kind of sex-work (porn, dancing, escorting etc) check in with your own body and mind and try to assess if you are up to handling the stigmas assigned to sex-workers from yourself, family, friends, and society as a whole. Anticipate having the heavy task of either lying about what you do to everyone around you or battling the stereotypes and negative attitudes.

-Set and keep to boundaries and agreements with yourself, which can mean any number of things and should be different for everyone. Agreements can be related to the amount of time one wants to spend in the industry, what type of work, emotional proximity to patrons, public exposure etc etc. Write them down and remind yourself of them often!

-This may be a bit redundant, but there will always be a need for more money, whether it come from vet bills, car payments, groceries, traveling, or school, and opportunities that may compromise your set agreements will come again and again. No matter how desperate you may be, do not do anything you are not fully comfortable with. Ever.

-Reflect often and well through whatever medium works best for you. Know where your emotions come from and own them. Take charge of your work, do not let it own you.

-Pamper yourself! Any hard worker should be rewarding themselves for the drudgery of everyday obligation but someone using their body for the pleasures of others is more than entitled. Separate work and personal lingerie and accessories, buy cute undies for no one's eyes but your own, treat yourself to manicures, new books, and massage just because and don't forget to give yourself some R and R time.

-Tap into your physical being regularly. Dancing is especially hard on the joints and prone to creating long-term injury. Don't be afraid to tell physicians what you do as the more information they know the better they are able to help you. If for whatever reason you are not comfortable being open with your regular doctor check local resources for sex-worker clinics and friendly space.

Of course this cannot be taken as a how-to or a cure-all and I am sure there are plenty of other factors that contribute to burn out and there are probably (and hopefully) many other ways to prevent the phantom from appearing. If burn out begins to take over I can only stress that the first means of curing the crippling monster is to admit that it exists and to face it head on, whatever that may mean.

Change of Plans

The first of November arrived without me really having made up my mind about what I wanted to do about school this year. I put off opening my email until the very end of the day, desperately trying to delay finding out my LSAT results. 153, not terrible as I made it out to be at first as it is still above average, but not amazing. The results paired with my GPA (around a 3.5) probably would get me into one or more of the bay area law schools, but after further contemplation I've decided that if I were to settle for just whatever school I could get into would be to rush through life again, a bad habit I am trying desperately hard to escape.

To further settle my internal argument I found that the average age of law school admittance is 26. I'm 22; why the hell do I want to put myself through all this mess now when I still have 4 years on the average?

I have decided to delay only another year more, during which time I am going to focus more on building my own interests and independence. Within the next few months, when my friend and elected superior chooses to vacate the position, I plan to apply for the Lead Madam position, which would give me the responsibility of the day-to-day functions of coordinating the dancers at the Lusty Lady. Also, I would like to start writing a complete history of the SF Lusty Lady, using my degree in the way it was intended. In addition, I'd like to travel, though the destinations are now unknown, to perform, despite my lack of experience, to express myself
artistically through writing and my many crafts, and to read voraciously.

Ok, so this is not an entirely seperate course from what I had previously envisioned, but this path is certainly different from what I have ever done before. This next year will be about me and whatever I choose to get myself into, though I am anticipating both and internal and external struggles to be sure. Unplanned futures are not accepted from recent graduates and I am sure my choices are going to unsettle many in my wake.

Lusty Lady Playday

Sunday morning I awoke stiff and sore, completely depleted from the long physically intense day I endured before. Saturday October 16th we Lusty gals hosted Playday, a 16 hour long in house party for which we have the rare opportunity to come outside of the glass to play. Under old management Playday was set on the slowest day of the year and owners essentially pulled their hands out of the business and allowed the dancers to do whatever they could do to make as much money as possible with the incentive that the dancers would be able to keep it all as a "Christimas Bonus" of sorts. Manipulative yet creative, the dancers turned the tradition into one of self empowerment and an opportunity to promote the business after the cooperativization. Year after year dancers and support staff would create a safe space for performers and faithful patrons to interact more personally and creatively, an event as much about building community within SF as it was about the immediate needs of the co-op members themselves.

Unfortunately internal efforts were needed elsewhere and the Lusty party was left to the wayside for 3 years, but never forgotten. Customers repeatedly requested the event and tenured dancers remembering the party's positive attributes influenced the Lusty masses to bring it back to the old theatre. Community minded and part of PR committee I was able to be a part of bringing this notable event back, and as tired as the effort made me, I couldn't be happier with the results. 10 percent of the door proceeds were given to St. James Infirmary, noted sexologist Dr. Carol Queen made a brief appearance on our live stage and was an open ear to dancer's ideas and dreams for world more receptive to sex worker needs and rights, and the Lusty Ladies experienced a comradery building opportunity unlike anything I've seen before.

This is why I work the Lusty Lady Peepshow theatre. I love my co-workers, my community, and the cross-pollination of ideas and forms of expression that can occur with only a little bit of nudging. Bruised and battered after the intense workout I still can't help but relish the tremendous benefit that comes with it.

Kiss and Tell

If you peruse my blog entries you will find truly sexually explicit content quite rare, although many of the topics are sexual in nature. While I have abandoned blog drafts and half-finished handwritten journal entries reflecting more scandalous and intimate material, I have steered clear of posting these things for the protection of partner's and co-worker's identities and feelings and my own personal boundaries. Sorry, dear readers (if there actually are any), I hate to disappoint, but I have never been a girl to kiss and tell.

I can tell you I am quite enjoying my half-secret fantastically realistic fairy-tale life through which I am able to express myself whole-heartily on so many many levels. Thanks to friends, partners, and my own sense of wonder I am experiencing a plethora of wild and amazing things that I often shake with the desire to share with the world but I have to refrain. I am an exhibitionist, yes, but I am also a big fan of controlled environments and an internet blog just does not make the cut.

Furthermore, if you happen to be disappointed, I have to state that revealing play-by-plays of my late night soirees and fantasies has never been the purpose of my public blog. My intention is to bring a melding of self reflection and academic analysis of my experiences as a whole, using more revealing and specific information in order to support larger themes and ideas, never at the expense of others in the process.

Finding the balance between sharing exciting experiences and revealing a series of raunchy stories can sometimes be difficult, yet to exhibit without meditation or care for others is the easy way out. It may be bold to share every detail of my sex life but I couldn't say that work would be contributing to any sort of positive end.

Decisions Decisions

Yay, I am officially done with the LSATs and I don't think I did too terribly on them, alas I will not know until November 1st. Next step to figuring out my life in this next year is to start gathering law school applications and letters of recommendation, writing and editing my admission' essays, and start making some decisions. While there is really only one family member pushing me to go back to school asap, I'm still quite unsure about what I want to do. On one hand I would love to be out and done with law school by the time I'm 24, but I also feel to young to start such a heavy career and I don't want to give up my lifestyle. I really feel like I am able to find myself now, center on what is important to me, and identify with others better than ever before, which I'm afraid may all be lost, or at least placed on a long hold, if I were to go back immediately.

Being a child borne of chaos I actively strove for schedule and stability, through high school and college, in all facets of my life. I rushed through my college experience, planning everything from my first year to the last. The past year, some of which has been spent still in school, I have never felt more grounded or centered while being less self-contained and active in the world around me and I'm certainly not ready to risk having anything stunted. Part of me thinks this fear is unfounded and that change can only happen if I want it to, but the thought of it possibly being inevitable with a heavier study load and additional rigor to my everyday agenda keeps creeping in on me.

Spontaneity, creativity, and progression have spoiled me I suppose.

Photography

I finally recieved unedited files of the two photoshoots I participated in with fellow Lusties and models Kitty McMuffin and Tempest with photographer John Gatta. Want to see?

Booth Fantasies

I'm not sure if its due to the recent slowing in Private Pleasures traffic in the last few days, my constant interaction with some hot and sexy people, or just the dream malaise that sometimes occurs under the red and amber blinking lights, but I've been having some pretty intense fantasies about my place of business.

I imagine a hot straight couple coming in for the first time. The woman, smiling sheepishly, tells me she secretly fantasizes about women but doesn't know how to meet them or what to do with them even if she did. Somehow the glass disappears and I give direction as her man sucks and fucks until I tell him its my turn to have my way with her...

I imagine my lover (gah I hate that word!) coming in for a visit, staring at me through the glass cock in hand while I tease him to frustration, which after an elaborate power exchange and some punishment for my naughty behavior I'm left to sit in cum soaked panties for my next real customer...

I imagine watching my boyfriend in a corner booth of the live show with a trans lover, making a show of screwing all hot and sweaty for us girls on stage, who can't help but pant and moan...

I imagine a fellow Lusty Lady crush finally addressing my pining, initiating some surprise girl-on-girl action in the break room, which all of our customers (hearing the ridiculously loud squeals) mistake as someone's really lame porn...

Small Thoughts on Balance

Boyfriend and I are finally getting into the groove of things in our and our external relationships. Rules are being scrutinized and renegotiated, most of them being tossed aside as being unnecessary or as stemming from haphazard feelings. Which is not to say that we are going to be going about our independent business willy-nilly, but that we are learning more and more communication and honesty are key, as opposed to the many mundane obstacles we started with.

Though our experiences had been unbalanced for months, with myself developing a relationship with another man while Boyfriend has been without momentum, the scales seem to be evening. Gaining some extra doses of confidence, Boyfriend has been going on some dates of his own, lessening fears and jealousy that espoused from feeling left out. And I couldn't be happier. This sounds strange to my "normal" friends, but I love the man and, quite frankly, I know others will as well and both he and they shouldn't be denied.

While I know that this shift is new and still going to be ever-changing I am thankful for its presence now.

Chit-Chat

Oh gosh I love the customers that just come in to the Lusty to talk. While they are few and far between our Private Pleasures sessions can be so educational and mutually theraputic.

In one of my most recent encounters our faithful patron, who out of kindness I will not name, paid me the price of a show and tipped me generously before starting our chat. Due to the rareness, the onset of such interactions can be a bit awkward with myself usually undressing before the patron has declared a different motive for his visit, but generally the vulnerability of honesty and openness from the customer balance the obvious vulnerability of nakedness on my part. In this case our conversation only lasted a few minutes the topics ranging from residency history (his, not mine), tattoo symbolism, to Lusty Lady history I hadn't known. While I would have kept the meter running for such valuable company, he quickly thanked me for my time and wished me the best of luck as soon as the first buzzer went off.

Other chit-chatty customers like the attention focused more on themselves, which for a work-a-holic stripper can be quite the relief at times. I've heard the woes of men who have just gotten dumped and divorced, the happy announcements of engagements and marriage, and anecdotes of all shapes and sizes brought back from the office, vacation, sexual expeditions, and practically any other category of story one can imagine. I've seen frustration, glee, confusion, melancholy, and illumination on more faces than I can count and been empathetic to them all.

While sometimes the conversations can turn a bit heavy, I generally get some sort of pressure relieved off my shoulders in the process as well. These people aren't looking for a hot body to fetishize or eroticize they are looking for an open ear and, for whatever reason, can't find it anywhere else in the "real" world. They come to us, strippers and masturbators, not to gawk or get off but to relate to another human being. Being what I am I often have a hard time relating to others back in my clothes and far away from the glass it is awfully nice to have someone from the outside choose to connect me in such a basic human way.

Self Portrait

Getting Physical

Despite the fact that the Lusty patron and the dancers are separated physically by a quarter inch of glass and audibly by pounding music it is amazing how much communication can still pass through. Patron behavior has a profound effect on the body language, mood, and response of the dancer, and can leave us reeling with emotion, both positive and negative, for hours.

Working Friday and Saturday late nights at the Lusty Lady a dancer can experience the whole range of customer interaction, as North Beach's high-density of booze-filled party-goers on these nights bring larger than usual crowds through our doors and late-nights in general at the Lusty harbor the more "interesting" customers. Hand signals telling us what to do like swimming motions (open your legs), finger twirling (turn around), and beckoning are generally unwanted customer behavior and are ignored or responded to resolutely with either a honey-dripped "sweetie, you can't tell me what to do in this room" or harshly with a "I make the rules here, don't tell me what to do." Crossed-arms or other bored behavior from customers recipricates like with like, most of our ladies won't even bother approaching the window of someone who can't even bother looking at them in the face. Drunk women feigning shock over the site of naked women, who point, laugh, compare, or even ridicule the dancers can cause extreme emotional stress, leaving lasting impressions.

While a good Friday or Saturday night dance shift is one in which the dancers don't have to direct the patrons to close and lock their doors too much, have their picture taken, or leave the Lusty feeling completely depleted and exhausted, a great shift is one where the dancers feel a sense of comraderie with one another and can actually get into the party atmosphere of the world beyond the glass. I personally love it when customers pretend to dance or sing with me, tell me about their love lives or what they plan to do that night, and try to "eye fuck" me through the glass. Yes, intense (non creepy) eye contact and real flirting can get the juices flowing for real on our side of the glass and leave us feeling just as head-high and horny as our masturbating audience.

While many people describe strip clubs and peepshows as places of fantasy, which certainly is true to a certain extent, they are also places of intimacy. Utterly naked and exposed, we dancers are much more attuned to negative and harmful body language and grab onto the inviting and flirty behavior of men and women. No physical touching is possible under our roof, but damn if we cannot actually feel those pokes, prods, grabs, booty spanks, soft strokes, hugs, and kisses through the window!

Present Incorporations

Things are certainly trying between studying for the future, working and striving for the present, and constantly dealing and strengthening with what one has grown up with and incorporating with in the past. Yes, yes, I've apologized time and again for not keeping track of my public blog, but I mean something more than that. I do not keep a diary, and, aside from my texts, I dont write much more than that than my work emails, schedules, and LSAT crap. I just don't. This blog is incredibly important to me; this is the place where I keep everything essential to myself, in any form.

To be honest I don't have a relatioship to my parents, or any other member of my family. Long-term friends are inconsistant and I have a very bad habit of pushing people away. I've never been the socialite and, because of my mothers adolecent social paranoia, I was never really able to "get out there" with my peers.

I have often felt the outcast, someone somehow missing the point of the game and or how to really be on the level of the one's around; whether they be fellow students in high school or college or previous loved ones. And now, for a plethora of reasons, I have begun to be "on the in." I kinda feel like I know what I'm doing. Sort of.

I am going to keep going. I am going to be that old me. That person who organizes, works constanty (whether it is a mundane role or not), AND I am going to do whatever the fuck I want.

I want a record of this. ME not caring for things, for getting credit where it is deserved, knowing what is right completely subjectivly, seeking pleasure, getting paid, orgasiming, loving, creating, flirting, writing, being carefree, being careful, wanting to be that Rosie the Riviter persona I have wanted to be.

This is me and I need to be consistent and true to me. I am sorry to me, I am going to be taking much better care of you.

Preliminary Thoughts

Boyfriend and I are taking a pretty big step in our relationship tomorrow. Yes yes moving in together was step, though for us not as big as it could be, but this step is somehow more intense. New friends of ours, Pepper Mint and Jen Day, write furiously, activate for, and instruct classes at various locations on the subject of polyamory. While he and I have been practicing, myself more than he, we are finding that to move forward in our current relationship we must receive some outside guidance. No this isn't like marriage counseling where we try to put back the pieces that have fallen apart, but more of a business plan meeting with outside help ready to facilitate our own brainpower on expectations, boundaries, assumptions, and helpful communication skills.

I have to admit I am excited and scared about the venture. While we both know we care deeply about each other and that we want to see ourselves happy, healthy, and independent, I wonder what will happen if our expectations and boundaries don't match. Does that mean that they cannot change or is there room for growth and integration?

Profile of a Peepshow

I've realized, dear readers, that I have relayed so many snippets about my life at the Lusty Lady peepshow without explaining what the Lusty Lady is.

For first time customers the Lusty Lady peepshow can be an intimidating and confusing place. One walks into the entrance to find a soda machine and a massive amount of porn DVDs on the left, a huge desk with a scruffy looking Support Staff member ready to make change but usually not conversation on the right, dingy patterned carpet below them, and a mirrored and red draped hallway leading to the insides. Behind blue doors sit ancient video machines that play a wide selection of porn (and sometimes cartoons for men who just want to be distracted, not turned on). In the halls one can hear a cacophony of moaning and slapping from them and often squealing and giggling from behind the red doors of the main stage.

Half oval shaped, mirrored, and red carpeted, the main stage is encircled by twelve dark booths, ten for single occupancy that reveal nothing but the head and shoulders of the patron and sits about waist high on the dancer and two "couples booths" located at the front corners of the stage equipped with a bench seat and a much larger window. In these booths couples are strongly encouraged, often harassed into by the dancers, playing and fucking, quite the treat for the overwhelmingly bi-curious majority dancer population. More often than not though the occupants of these booths are exhibitionist men who enjoy having the performer react and perform for their whole selves.

When I first started working at the Lusty I was most certainly shocked at being able to see the patrons puffing and shaking as they pleasured themselves to my image. Although my boyfriend and I had been to the Lusty as consumers before I had no idea how well the dancers could actually see into the tiny dark booths or how little they could hear of us inside. Now naked on the other side of the glass I can appreciate the experience from both sides: anonymity vs. total exposure, entrapment vs. freedom, voyeur vs. exhibitionist.

For $1 the shade will lift revealing three fully nude women of various ages, shapes, ethnicity, and accessories while a variety of semi-loud music ranging from rap to bluegrass, from Guns n Roses to Elvis plays in the background. Being a co-op where the wages are level and competition and hustling is unnecessary the feel of the show is general sensuous, fun, and relaxed. Patrons are free to change booths to find the dancer that appeals most to their fantasies, in most cases a move that isn't critical of the dancer they are leaving. Dancers receiving positive feedback from specific customer may offer their name and the next time they are in Private Pleasures, but no real push is ever dished. Patrons are also lucky to witness sincere positive interactions between the dancers themselves, true friendships, sexual flirtations, and story swapping.

Across the hall, away from the hubbub of the lobby and near the double-doored restrooms, is the Private Pleasures booth, a small one-on-one fantasy talk booth where customers can get more personal attention. Inside shows start at $20 and can range from simple spread, masturbation, and toy shows to humiliation, sub, ass worship, or practically anything else they can imagine. Essentially, the more explicit the show the more expensive it is. For some performers the proximity can be overwhelming and undesirable, but the prospect of getting a higher hourly wage and a percentage of the earnings keeps them from turning the shifts away. Others, myself included, generally enjoy the unique experience and the strange variety of customers and requests.

While there are always a few visitors that can't get past the funky smell (which cant be masked by fragrances because of sensitive-nosed employees) or the strange smears, the Lusty lady is the perfect place for safe sexual exploration. With encouraging staff and a balance between privacy and exposure, the peepshow can be a place of refuge for some and exhilaration for others. Some patrons will only stop in one once on a pit stop in their travels, others are marathon men, returning day after day or weekly as part of routine. No matter what the kink, gender, orientation, fantasy, or frequency of the customer, the Lusty Ladies never turn them away.

Wrap Up

Oh gosh, what a whirlwind week! And unfortunately it isn't anywhere near closed with my friends wedding tomorrow and me being her maid of honor. What a strange concept 'maid of honor' is. Its real title should be 'the most responsible member of the bridal party to which most responsibilities will be delegated and suffered.' Alas, all will be well at the party and Im sure much joy and passion will erupt from their union.


Maybe a blog on the concept of marriage will be on my horizons if I ever get time...

Anyways....

This week truly has been a tornado of happenings and stirrings. At the Peepshow I am taking on more and more administrative responsibility whilst still doing my best on the live stage. I trained (and became more intimate with than we had been previously) one of my very best friends from middle and high school in the Private Pleasures booth. Her name is Eve and seems to be quite the sensation. If you are a patron of the ol' LL I highly recommend you check her.

Polyamory is becoming less of a concept and more of a practice for my Boyfriend and I as we navigate the rocking waves of the relationship seas. Since we began living together this past month we are having to adapt to one another anew and how we relate to our outside interests, a task which has been frustrating, exciting, and emotionally binding and I am truly thankful for the patience and guidance of outside lovers.

Scrap for cash and wanting to experiment I have started my own clips4sale site (previously mentioned, I know) with the concept of outsiders being able to peak into the often exciting sexual world of Sandy Bottoms, in whatever form that may take. If interested my clip store is located at http://www.clips4sale.com/store/39555 and I am always willing and happy to take advise and suggestions.

This week I have also offcially started my path to law school! Ill be taking the LSATs this October and will be taking a very expensive (hence the maniacal work ethic) and time consuming Kaplan prep course the rest of the summer. If all goes well I will be able to apply for schools in the Winter and start at some Bay Area school this coming fall.

In case you are ever wondering where I have run off to I really am not too far! Give me patience and positive thoughts and I will continue to record my journey.

Clips4Sale

Wow, I really need to stop taking so long on updating this thing. I really do have a couple longer and more inspired pieces in the works, but I just have not had the time to sit down and finish them.

"Bad Sandy, bad!" Now all I need is a good spanking and my self reprimand will be complete.

In the last few weeks I have come to the conclusion that I need to create my own clips4sale shop on which I will update as often as possible (hopefully even more so than I do here) with adult clips of myself and possibly of my main squeeze as well. About a month ago I did my first fetish clips with another clips4sale seller, which I felt went remarkably well, though not as Sandy Bottoms. Now, my intention is not just merely to reproduce ideas and fetishes that already swarm the internet my goal is to somehow create a virtual sexy storyline for Sandy that may or may not reflect bits and pieces of my real life. In this Sandy will still be a character, though as I've mentioned before Sandy and I blend and blur quite a bit, but I don't want her to be as removed from real life as others.

Having that said I want this venture to be quasi-interactive. I want suggestions, requests, funny stories, inspiration from my readers, patrons, and friends! I want silliness, seriousness, and seductive-ness!

Really, I want to be creative and have some fun while making some loose change. Other fetish models and sellers may know exactly the right 1, 2, 3 sequence and formulas for the best selling clips, but I'd like to do something a bit more interesting.

Curious Reads

If you are ever looking for some good reads on alternative social construction, poly/nonmonogamous relationships, or the sex industry take a gander at these:

* http://freaksexual.wordpress.com/

* http://www.spreadmagazine.org/category/blog/

* http://www.pollysuperstar.com/

In addition to these wonderful blogs I am reading Strip City: A Stripper's Farewell Journey Across America by Lily Burana.

Women!

Man, sometimes I just lose it when I am around a woman I find attractive or when I start getting attention. I just don't know what to do! I am certainly not aggressive when it comes to flirting with someone of the opposite gender, but under mainstream social parameters it seems much easier to do than dealing with someone of the same or mixed gender.

My response to women flirting with me is much the same as what I imagine 13 year old boys experience: my palms get sweaty, my legs fidgety, and I generally let direct contact go under my radar, which is definitely not conclusive to furthering the interaction. Time after time I have blown opportunities to be closer with women, but I still don't know how to check my obstructive behavior.

To those who have seen this erratic self-manipulating behavior first hand I apologize for my awkwardness...

To those who have been that interested female whose attempts were thwarted by my seemingly non-compliant nature I ask for you to try again...

To those of you who have been in my position or have any experience in this field, I welcome your input...

I'm Back!

What a whirlwind month! I apologize for the long hiatus, internet is back in service and I will have plenty of time to write in the coming months.

Updates soon!

Events Events Events

Oh Lordy, the next couple of weeks are going to be intense....

With the last day of finals coming Friday and Saturday being the big graduation day (woot!), its a wonder how I am able to focus on anything else. However, focus I must and here is a brief list (ad) of the various upcoming events you can spot me at:

*Friday, May 21 @ the Uptown in Oakland come see me perform for the first time EVER on a stage with the Bay Area's very own gothic strip revue, the Black Widows -lots of sexy dark ladies giving out lap dances and unique performances for your viewing pleasure

*Saturday, May 22 @ SF Mission Control's Kinky Salon themed WET!-come get wet with myself and some very slippery Lusties as we perform at the Midnight Cabaret!

*Saturday, June 5th @ the Lexington Club in SF for the gay Pride Parade Float fundraiser aptly named the BOOTY BASH-I've been working my tail off gathering loverly ladies to tantalize your eyes with some saucy lobster burlesque, Lusty lap dances, scandalous raffles, and other nautical naughtiness!

So come reward my good girl behavior and come support myself and my compatriots at these events, ahoy!!!

Its Obvious I'm a Stripper When...

It's obvious that I am a stripper when:

-heels in varying stages of repair are strewn across my desk

-glittery makeup falls out of my backpack at school

-I wiggle my ass every time I lean down to pick something up off the floor

-my ears perk up to anyone being referred to by what could be a stripper name (Candy, Trixxie, Honey, even Lucy or Wendy hehe)

-I stop reacting to strange men whipping out their genitals in public

...to be continued...

Booth Thoughts

I have come to the conclusion, dear diary, that men with fetishes seem to be the most polite and pleasant customers at the Lusty Lady. I don't know what it is...whether they feel that they have to compensate for their taboo desires by being ultra-nice, but it is definitely always a bonus when they come in. Today I had my first and second foot fetish custies in booth (two separate occasions of course) and both of them sent endless compliments and praises my way. A chubby-chaser who has come to see me a couple times (yes I was offended at first by being called thick) practically places me on a pedestal, telling me all he would want to do is get me tiara and make me a princess.

In my limited experience it is generally (I emphasize generally) the "normal" men that are into mainstream sexual practices that burn me out in booth. Considering mainstream pornography is male-centric and emphatic on the behalf of male control, female humiliation, and objectification, it is no wonder that these customers sometimes leave me feeling slightly used and uncomfortable. These are the men that haggle tooth and nail, call me names (not in the BDSM sorta way), refuse to tip, and act as if I am somehow beneath them.

So yes, I will take pantie sniffers, submissives, chubby chasers, leg-foot-hand fetish, pain lovers, bi-trans-unisex customer any day over the average Financial District suit or North Beach frat.

Unless, of course, I'm proven wrong....

Ladies Galore

I am constantly reminded of just how amazing my fellow Lusties truly are. While most people who come to see them of course come to see their sexy nakedness, I get the opportunity to see them both within their each unique persona and without. Out of the dozens of dancers would anyone know which ones had children? Additional careers?

As a newbie I have gotten into the habit of asking older dancers probably what seems to be way too many questions: do you dance anywhere else? when did you start dancing at the LL? etc. Although I've probably driven my coworkers crazy. I found the information incredibly insightful. Some are career strippers, having danced for years at various clubs all over the US and plan to do so until they can't dance anymore. Some are professors, while others are students like myself. Some have very supportive and interested family support systems, while others have to hide their job or don't even have contact at all. Some are on their own, some live with friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, lovers, children, grandparents. Some are professional sex workers, dominatrix's, and porn stars, enjoying their life to the absolute fullest, while others have heartbreaking stories of love, sickness, and eternal perseverance.

My only suggestion to you, dear readers, is to keep coming back. Keep coming back to your favorite unionized-co-op peepshow, but in addition to getting off to the beautiful wigged-up, dolled-up sex kitten dancing in front of you, get off on the mystery of her true beauty, her confidence, and her story.

Maybe, Just Maybe

While growing up I could never be called a graceful child. Spending my summers and free time riding bikes and jumping into pools, I gained the reputation of being quite the klutz. My body, covered in cuts and scrapes, scabs and bruises was constant proof of my inability to be dainty and full of restraint. While I certainly did have my tomboy tendencies, I still loved playing with my Barbies and looking at the women in girlie magazines. My family, obviously aware of disparity in my character like to tease "there goes your modeling career" whenever I sustained a new injury.

No fear, dear diary, this entry is neither about my family scarring or damaging me in any way, nor a plea for sympathy or attention, merely a glimpse into the foundation of my perfectly-sound self.

Years go by and scars on legs, arms, and face eventually fade and some have disappeared. Lotions and make-up generally take care of the rest. I can't say that the chiding words of my family did not effect me; during high school I chose to stay behind the camera, refusing to have my picture taken by anyone. But now, as confindence in myself and my appearance grows (not to the point of being vain), I feel like maybe something can come from it.

By no means do I intend or even desire to be a fashion model or famous or anything related to a professional modeling career, but maybe I shouldn't be afraid of the camera anymore. I still don't feel particularly photogenic, but maybe with some instruction from some fellow Lusties (whom have offered) and practice it would be possible to dabble within this next year before starting law school. While my recent tumbles on stage in heals (and on level sidewalks in normal shoes) are proof I haven't completely outgrown my klutziness, I'm not going to let it check my many whims.

Down in Flames

Oh Diary,

My name is Sandy Bottoms and I am addicted to craigslist...well, maybe this statement isn't entirely true, but my compulsion to explore has gotten me in a bit of a sticky situation today. I have been toying with the idea of selling panties online using a site like ebanned.com for some extra cash, but shied away because of my fear of having shady customers being able to track down my home address and other personal information. When I saw that men were posting want ads for this item on craigslist I decided just to go for it, since the transaction would be anonymous and made in a public place.

Yesterday I responded to a very straightforward want ad and received a pleasant reply shortly after and through several emails more we were able to establish the transaction -- a pair of worn cotton panties in return for $50 and a coffee. I went this afternoon nervous, wary, and excited. While I personally do not get off on the idea of a panty raider with my undies, I find the rush of the taboo intriguing and I figure at the very least I could scratch another thing off my bucket list. The man, around age 50, handsome, and obviously wealthy, was pleasant and surprisingly easy to talk to. After a bit of lighthearted chit chat the transaction was made and we both agreed to consider doing it again. While I knew I probably hit upon a rarity in the craigslist adult ad-world, I felt optimistic and rejuvenated in my faith the strange.

Unfortunately this feeling did not last long. Soon after the meeting I received an email of gratitude from the man in which he also suggested more personal services, which I graciously although firmly deflected. His persistence and growing 'tude towards my honest responses eventually led to direct insult, or what he percieved to be insult, (and I quote) "thanks and it is like i thought sexy, working in a place like lusty lady gives a lady an elevated opinion of herself."

Damn straight I have a high opinion of myself! And no, its not just because I work at the LL, though the unionization and co-op are an excellent channel for it, its because I am an intellegent woman who knows her worth and chooses not to subject myself to a persistent slime-ball even if I were interested in performing more explicit services. Believe me, I stand in solidarity with my sex-worker brothers and sisters, finding absolutely nothing wrong with the viable repressed industry, and by no means does my high opinion stem from anything reflecting snobbery towards them.

Live and learn I guess...

While my admittedly naive hopes for being able to jump in and out of the sub-worlds of SF are slowly being dashed, I don't think I am going to give up quite yet. There is no way in hell that I will EVER even continue to respond to such rubbish again, I'm going to take it as a compliment and as confirmation of my strength and versatility.

What if...

On a slightly more serious matter:

In the near future our President Obama will have the important task of appointing the next Supreme Court Justice. Now with the resignation of Justice John Paul Stevens, the media has frenzied itself with the question of who will Obama appoint next, and more importantly (apparently to them) will they be of Protestant faith, as was the resigning Justice. Now, as often occurs during my 3-hour long law class, I got to thinking...the media , and presumably the public, is getting all worked up over the religion of the next Justice, though it is not supposed to reflect upon the quality of their decision making . As has happened in the past the backgrounds of potential appointees are thoroughly scrutinized for biases before being approved or denied.

Jeeze, so what if my legislative ambitions were as high...

an ex-stripper (by that time I imagine!) radical-thinking, deviance indulging woman from ore than humble origins would definitely be denied. But what an interesting perspective I could offer to the moderately-conservative make-up of the highest court in the United States...pro-US Constitution and Bill of Rights, humanitarian, class justice criminal perspective....

maybe I should try to set my sights higher?


(BTW wouldn't those shoes look amazing peeking out from underneath black robes?)

Seattle Lusty Lady Closing!

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/6420ap_wa_lusty_lady.html

We at the SF Lusty Lady have recently heard about the closing of our Seattle namesake and feel for our sister dancers more than words can describe due to our rich shared history and worker sympathy. Although our doors remain open, we too are reeling with the impact of an economic recession and the rising use of internet pornography and are in the midst of a peepshow overhaul. For all you SF Lusty followers take comfort in that we refuse to go give up our show, but expect things to be a bit different than business as usual, though we believe the changes made will be all for the best and make your (and our) experience much more tantalizing.

Changes to expect:

-Private Pleasures starting at 9 am instead of 11 am Monday through Friday (we want to help you with that morning wood)
-interior revamp, new paint, new merchandise display, new signs directing you to the various sexy activities
-intensification of PR, more photos, more theme nights, more interactive advertising, more Tweets
-more Lusty events (come check us out at our LL Pride Parade Fundraiser Party coming soon!)

To all our supporters: we thank you for sticking with us and we hope to see you in our doors soon!

Bam Bam

Oh Diary, I know I have been away for a while, though not for lack of information to share. This past week had been a bit rough between school, work, event planning for the Lusty Pride parade fundraiser, and boy and girl issues, but it was not all for naught. Despite all of this, I know I need to keep my head up and try to think of only the positive things, which is why I want to share my first BDSM sampler experience. Yes, I have had some public and private spanking sessions with the boyfriend, coworkers, and others, but this mini demonstration has really gotten me going.

Now out of my experience I have learned I enjoy thuddy versus stingy things to be hit with, the cane and paddle being my particular favorites. The horse whip was ok, but I was too paranoid of it cutting my skin to really enjoy it. I definitely did not enjoy the Wartenberg wheel on my back after being bopped due to insane ticklishness, but I loved it on my wrists and arms before the demonstration.

I am not interested in getting into the BDSM lifestyle but I'd love to bring more of it into the bedroom, or play parties for that matter. While bare bottom spanking is still my favorite, I am glad I am able to add more to my list of things that get me off...hopefully I will be able to add more soon. Any suggestions and recommendations for online or printed resources would be greatly appreciated!

Labels

As I mentioned in the previous post its hard enough to label and advertise ourselves as a couple (swinger/poly etc), let alone as individuals. While I had noticed myself being attracted to other girls in high school I routinely brushed off my feelings as just a "photographers eyes" merely appreciating the female form and forced myself to ignore outside attraction (to both boys and girls) for the sake of keeping to the mainstream myth of having found my lifetime "high school sweetheart." While I knew people who characterized themselves as transgender, gay and bi, I was afraid if I allowed myself to act on my interests I would be made a target and labeled as another one of those girls "who did it for attention." However my attitude changed my freshman year of college, when I met a beautiful androgynous lesbian woman and developed my first hardcore crush on another woman (that I met in a woman's studies class how stereotypical right?). Since then I have officially and proudly labeled myself as bi, though again, my attraction to parteners who do not fit into the easy molds of stereotypical male or female may make the term 'queer' more appropriate, which is probably something I will want to discuss at a later date.

Although living in progressive San Francisco I still am met with the same anti-bi attitude as I was living in white-washed suburbia back in high school. My straight and gay friends and acquaintances, whether they know my sexual orientation or not, repeatedly reiterate that they don't understand people who don't prefer one or the other and figure that people who pronounce themselves as bi are either really straight and are faking attraction to the same gender, or gay who is going through a period of resistance. How am I supposed to argue how I feel? I know I am neither, yet mainstream social constructs advocate that people in my position really don't exist. MTV shows like TrueLife and My Life As do offer segments on bisexuality and polyandry, but they douse it in a coating of absurdity and immorality. How am I supposed to explain my attraction when my straight friends associate female-female attraction to steamy hot tub scenes and teeny-bopper angst?

As much as I get frustrated over the societal need to be labeled and characterized (dating websites insisting on picking straight/bi/gay on profiles), I know it is often much worse for my boyfriend who would not characterize himself as anything. Yes, he feels attracted to women and men, but definitely not in the same way or quantity. Some internet text label this as being hetero-flexible, a title that is even MORE hard to describe not only to oneself but to others in the dating and playing world. Not only do I find this mainstream need to tag everyone into easily defined channels a personal challenge to my self construction, I find the whole system built around doing so to be a complete mess that leaves little room for change, variation, and expansion.

Being Open

Since I am still in weekend mode I am going to make this entry a bit more informal, diary. Although the SF weather was a bit too stormy for my taste, today was a very good day: slept in late after a late night, woke up in a snuggley-warm bed next to the love of my life, went to a cafe and ate hummus, and had some wonderful/deep/much needed conversation with the boy on our status in the poly/open/kink world. While we have both have had some titilating experiences and have remained loyal to the other's wishes and feelings, the change from an eight-year monogamous relationship to a whirlwind non-monogamous relationship is not without its problems. Today I intend to briefly outline two of them.

Our main source of conflict stems from an imbalance of encounters and experiences outside of our relationship. Being a young woman in the SF Bay non-monogamous community, I have had a much easier time finding independent partners, thus unfortunately (or fortunately?), my sexual experiences have been under scrutiny and are the basis for testing our weaknesses and strengths in our coping mechanisms, intentions, and communication. Emotionally things have been mixed: feelings of euphoria, arousal, enlightenment, flirtation, understanding, intrigue, and creativity are mixed with guilt, frustration, confusion, longing, jealousy and feelings of inadequacy, though they have come to both of us at different times and under a variety of circumstances. Though we both have and do experience this strange and new mix of emotions we both agree that this is a world still worth exploring and believing in.

The second source of question is in what to label ourselves: poly or swinger. While we have attended poly events in SF and groups online neither of us find the title appropriate because our desire to keep the two of us as the solid foundation of our relationship and keep many of the mainstream monogamous behaviors strictly shared between ourselves. At the same time 'swinger' feels inaccurate because of our desire to build some level of platonic relationship and recurrence with the same partners, even though we do attend play parties and swinger events as well. Finding ourselves in a gray area it has been a task pinpointing the direction we would like to go in as a couple and, essentially, marketing ourselves to others.

While nothing was resolved in our conversation today, though that was never really the goal, we both have found a deeper understanding and appreciation for the other and of the community with which we hope to delve deeper into. While neither a single person nor source is able to map out this muddy path, we are managing to find our own with the help of new friends, new partners, new experiences, and texts. Will we leave the relationship open permenantly? Will we have periods of relative monogamy and non-monogamy? Will the prospect of marriage and children change how we feel about being open? What will happen if the relationship continues to be imbalanced? Answers to these will just have to appear with time.

A Treatise on Sandy

In light of recent questions regarding the origin of my name and the 'Sandy Bottoms' persona I have decided to formally enlighten. First and foremost I think you need to understand the dire situation I was in the summer I auditioned; I obtained a TERRIBLE sunburn across my bottom while on a trip to SoCal only a mere couple of days before the audition, leaving me feeling permenantly marred (and yes I still have the tan lines). Because of my beach trip and my general elation over being able to enjoy the beaches of SF I also listened to quite a bit of surf rock, which set the receptors for my boyfriends suggestion of the name Miss Sandy Bottoms.

While some ladies choose to create a persona external to their real selves, Sandy is taken from a part of me, or rather, a part of my real personality. Sandy is the part of me that is able to indulge in never-ending games of dress up and flirtation (or down), she is perky, naive and always willing to please, and a bit of a glamor-puss. While most of my friends and family know about my job at the LL and Sandy, the girly-girl side of myself is checked by my mother hen tendencies, my (ex-) Bay Area punk roots (septum ring goes up behind glass), and my willingness to get dirty and tough in both talk and play.

Admittedly, due to Sandy being inspired by a piece of myself, the lines do tend to blur. Sometimes Sandy is from SF and likes to talk about local bands with cute punk boys in the hall.....instead of being the sunscreen coated Sandy from Venice Beach. At other times Sandy does like to wear the apron used at home for baking and crafting in booth for custies and to read historical fiction where others can see. In addition to adding myself to Sandy I have noticed more and more that Sandy is building something in the real me; confidence, flamboyance, and the willingness to be self expressive, all of which are tendencies I only flirted with without her.

Things That Turn Me On...

Woe to the procrastinating college student...

Instead of doing my reading on Ataturks Turkey and the emergence of the one-party state (yawn) I have decided to compile a hodge-podge list of things/actions/thoughts that get me all riled up. Maybe we share similar traits?

-manly and feminine men, voluptuous and tomboy women--androgynous people of all sorts
-humble eye contact (as opposed to the creepy "I'm trying to take your soul" kind
-being spanked
-multiple sets of hands rubbing me anywhere
-more-somes
-blushing
-watching couples fool around in booth
-constriction
-the sound of sheets being tousled
-sex noises (real ones, not high-pitched nasal-y fake "oh yeas!")
-witnessing (and taking part in) queer make-out sessions
-candid nudity
-the possibility of being caught having sex in public
-the idea of ruining an innocent Mormon boy
-women in men's clothing
-innuendos
-dirty story time
-a really cold bed with someone laying next to me


etc etc.

Ok, back to the books. I promise I will make more additions later.

The Language of the Lusty Lady

Ok, I have decided to post a paper I wrote recently for an English class. Maybe I can earn some forgiveness from my previous withdrawal?

The Language of the Lusty Lady

The term dialect is used to describe any variety of a language spoken by a community of people. Factors that contribute to this phenomenon, which can be witnessed in cultures all over the world within all languages, include class, age, location, occasion, gender, and profession among any other imaginable – and probably unimaginable – social and environmental differences. Although certain dialects may only be spoken by a small number of people, as in the case of the Cromerty’s fisherfolk dialect of Scotland where the last two speakers have recently died, multiple dialects can be spoken by a single individual. An individual may use a multitude of dialects if they identify with multiple cultural groups or when one is interacting with someone from another cultural group, as a 16 year old will speak differently with their friend’s parents than if they were with their friends. Lusty Lady lingo, the dialect spoken by myself and about 60 others who work at the San Francisco Lusty Lady peepshow, is a compilation of several other dialects and has its roots entrenched in the turbulent history of the Lusty Lady.

Understanding the tumultuous history of the Lusty Lady, which is the only unionized, worker-owned peepshow in the world, is imperative to understand the dialect. Live nude entertainment was brought to the Lusty Lady in 1983 by two Seattle businessmen, who managed the female workers using stereotypical exploitive tactics: random firings and pay cuts, racist shift policies, and other unsavory business practices common in the largely male-dominated adult entertainment industry. Rallying together, the workers combated the owner’s lawyers, picket lines, and lockout and voted to join the Service Employees International Union (SEIU) in 1997. With a decline in profits in response to the rise of internet pornography and an economic recession, the owners announced plans to close the Lusty Lady in 2003, inspiring the dancers to delve into the world of business and to purchase the Lusty with the assistance of other Bay Area co-ops and the previous owners. Now the Lusty operates successfully with the number of employees ranging around 60 female dancers, who elect management (Madams) from within our own, and 10 staff, both male and female who have the option of joining the co-op. These dancers (Lusties) and staff members come from a variety of different backgrounds and with a multitude of motivation ranging from political activism, business entrepreneurship, and for the job itself, stripping.

Women, young and old, who work or have worked in strip clubs, have their own set of approved words and phrases with which they describe the strip world around them, which from the outside may seem vulgar and unbecoming of women. Working in a highly sexualized environment, strippers use words such as pussy, cock, cum, tits, jugs, ass, and other graphic “unlady-like” words to describe themselves and custies (i.e. customers). Strippers generally speak to each other bluntly and uninhibited, often using explicit language with customers and with each other. When I first started working at the Lusty, a mere three months ago, it was quite a shock for me to hear industry insight like “Try to be coy if a custie tells you to touch your ass, mouth, or pussy on stage, BUT DON’T DO IT” or to hear extensive, lewd commentary about odd customer behavior, but I have learned that it would be unnatural for dancers to use proper medical terms for body parts and bodily functions and have come accustomed to hearing them spoken as such.

As the Lusty Lady is first and foremost a business with the need to be taken seriously and competitive in the business world, the dancers, especially those who are part of the cooperative, must have sufficient knowledge of standard business terminology and theories. Within the co-op we have an official Board of Directors in charge of finance and business plans, bylaws, and insurance and licensing, a Public Representation leader and committee in control of media and press, individual co-op members who take it upon themselves to pass proposals, and various smaller committees who are obligated to project information about our business with other businesses, some sexually oriented while others are not, the City of San Francisco, insurance brokers, lawyers, the State of California, and handfuls of business associations. In addition, the Madams, the elected administrative management for the dancers, use formal business language to communicate scheduling, resolve conflict, and deal with the day to day responsibilities of the office using phrases like “time management” and “product averages.”

Although business terms and phrases are important when formally representing the Lusty as a business and stripper lingo is appropriate when speaking to other strippers, often Lusties vocalize themselves as activists. By working in a unionized cooperative many Lusties believe they are participating in a larger fight against capitalism or “the man” and use words like “us,” to describe co-op workers, versus “them,” corporations or non-unionized businesses, and to emphasis our equity and solidarity. Discussion topics for activists may include (but are not limited to): worker exploitation, going green, suffrage, union enrollment, political affiliation or lack thereof, etc. In most cases they often express a sense of urgency and positivism, their language peppered with a desire to change things both within the cooperative and without. At a Gay Pride parade in SF some of these Lusties made signs which read “Hoes Up, Pimps Down” and “Union Forever,” which both express activist idealism to the rest of the world.

While stripper, business, and activist language may seem to be incompatible with one another, combinations of the three are used by individuals at the Lusty Lady at any given time. Often during Board of Director meetings workers use stripper lingo to describe a specific incident they see at the venue, use activist language to propose what the want to see done about the incident, and write a formal minute about the discussion using business structure and words. In the dressing room, one may hear a Lusty dancer making plans to create new signs for a union meeting using explicit words, describing the next PR photo shoot both in terms of audience outreach with graphs and statistics for the support of ideas and possible graphic female body content, or hear a new coop member propose changing the logo to read “Live Tits and Ass” in the same sentence as “requirements matrix,” “technical volume,” and “cost volume.” If an outsider were to eavesdrop on a meeting or even on a conversation on stage, they would be surprised by the amount of formal business language used by naked (probably) strippers in the context of political activism.

Although I have only worked at the Lusty a few months the language has become natural and safe for me. In the outside world, beyond the red walls of the Lusty Lady building, it does take a mental adjustment to switch from explicit (taboo) stripper lingo to the medical, unsexual vernacular of most people. While many people code switch between dialects that are very similar to each other and between dialects that they have been formally taught, I do not have such a privilege; As the Lusty Lady grows with the addition and subtraction of different dancers and their ideas and changes with the influence of elements outside our control, so too does the language with which we use to describe the business, ourselves, and the world we live in.

Apologies

Oh Diary, I am so sorry I kept you waiting. At the moment I am just finding it a bit hard to balance the different parts of me. Barbie is lucky, having her different personalities split into different dolls....wouldn't it be nice if I could have a student Sandy, peepshow Sandy, casual-relaxed Sandy, and an all-around attentive Sandy? However unfortunate, life-size-replicas of myself (especially functional ones!) are impossibly and I must roll with the punches.

But back to the balancing act...I am aware that things are about to even themselves out. I will be graduating, moving, and working harder then ever. Recently I have applied to work with the Crashpad Series, a progressive queer-alternative porn company, and will hopefully have the opportunity to work with them soon. I will be keeping my Sandy Bottoms identity there as well if anyone was concerned....

In addition to all this commotion I have been striving to maintain a balanced sense of mind by eating better, dancing more which is such good exercise, and sifting through my alternate egos to find my real self from time to time. Friends beware; I apologize now for my tardiness and sincerely will try to the best of my ability to maintain some sort of consistency for you and myself, but I fear with life being as frazzled as it is I might not stick to it as well as I could.

Is this thing on?

Please allow me to step up to the mic to introduce myself. My name, ahem, stage name is Sandy Bottoms and am currently a dancer at the SF Lusty Lady and a student at a local four-year university, studying history and law. But all of this is neither here nor there, and while background information about me may be interesting (or not), some can be found in the About Me section and will be weaseled away in future posts. Instead let me introduce some of my hopes, desires, and intentions, which I find to be much more relevant for an opening.

In the near future I hope to graduate from school while maintaining a scandalous, positive, and healthy head space when it comes to my sex-related work, which I indulge in voraciously. I desire to keep the sparks flying between myself and my long-time sweetheart, create and explore new partners and friendships, and indulge in my many, and varied, whims and fantasies. Finally, I intend to take risks in my ventures, exhibiting myself to the world as I am.

And here is where you come in Dear Diary and prospective audience: I want you to help me witness it all. Through this blog I want to have a concrete record of my projected glories and tribulations, a space for my ideas and thoughts to be aired and tested by myself and others, and a forum through which others may offer their own constructive predictions/suggestions/criticisms/support based upon their own experiences. With this I shall begin on what I can only hope to be at minimum a very interesting exhibition of myself.